going home

My 3 week trip comes to an end, and most of me can’t wait to get back. My own bed, my own stuff. Between the Marina Mandarin and Swissôtel they’ve been kinda a home away from home. I can hook up my laptop and the desk faces the TV so my nights and weekends haven’t been that different. Just goes to show I don’t have much of a life.

I pay lip service to missing mm. No, that’s not fair, I do miss her a lot. But things haven’t changed in 3 weeks, I’m still anxious about not being sad enough, not missing her enough. I should be gut wrenched, I shouldn’t be able to function. But all my feelings are toned down, mild, muted. I don’t know what’s going on.

On talking to sherlock about feeling grief, she said that may be I’ve processed everything in my head and so emotions pass by very quickly. That’s the best, and most comforting, explanation I’ve heard for a long while.