full

This is very private but I need to write it down. Really appreciate if no one reads this.

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we’ve been “back together” for just over a year now, so strange that a story that started over 12 years ago still has its twists and turns. I’m less obsessed about dates and times nowadays, and after so many ups and downs I don’t remember the exact date we decided to be together again. All I remember is being in bed and us kissing and then finally there’s the sex.

Sex. That’s the thing. There are certain things one expects when one’s in a relationship. Companionship, friendship, hand-holding, snuggling, talking on the phone, generally being together. And sex. Of course it should not be the only thing in a relationship, but shouldn’t it at least be a part? No matter how small a part, but at least there, preferably more (hee).

For us, it’s not been well on that front. For a start there’s a huge discrepancy on our respective wants and needs that’s gotten more and more pronounced. She says I’m the normal one and it’s her. When I get turned down (which does happen quite often) that does cross my mind. But it can’t be, this is something that takes place between 2 people so there can’t be only one party at fault if something’s not going well.

Yes, she’s not had the desire and she needs to really build hers up. And yes, I’ve been overly insatiable, may be too much fanfic. It’s just that we don’t live together and only get to spend two, sometimes only one, night together every week. Plus all of my travelling this year … excuses excuses. So all my saved up want manifests every weekend and it seems to her like that’s all I want. Sigh.

Anyway.

We made an appointment this weekend. Not in so many words but nakedness was expected. Really. How crass. But we did. For Saturday night. And I blew it. I was so tired both friday and sat night that I fell asleep as soon as I got into bed. It’s funny if you think about it.

But we made up for it today after lunch. We were way too lazy to go out. I was doing my online grocery shopping, the site kept crashing, so I was real frustrated. She was watching TV.

She said “come get me when you’re finished.”

I finally did, went outside to the living room, held out my hand and took her into the bedroom.

We didn’t start straightaway, there was mucho nice-o cuddling.

But when it came, or should I say when we came, it was an explosion. Or more accurately, 2 separate explosions. I couldn’t stop laughing, she shuddered.

Now I feel whole.

Full.