video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGGVMWsAZ8E

Friday was mm’s sis’ anniversary and I said the rosary for her. There’s been too many passings this year, and the prayer was also for everyone.

We didn’t go to midnight mass last year, probably because of tiredness or something. This year I’m on my own on Christmas Eve — went with family to the yacht club mulled wine and carols event that finished by 7pm — and the thought of going to midnight mass was strong.

The main cathedral is only 15-20mins walk, it’s on one of my running routes. So I headed out at 11.20pm, and when I got there it was crowded already. No seats left inside, and only a few left at the seating areas they’d set out outside, with big screen tv view.

Before the service the choir sang carols. At one point a soloist sang O Holy Night, my absolute favourite. She was good. Not as good as these ladies but very touching.

I opted to stand during the mass, and it was a nice service conducted by our Cardinal. There were announcers, telling people when to stand and when to sit — there’s usually a lot of people who a) don’t go to church often or b) aren’t Catholic but wanted to experience midnight mass. Before the communion, they announced twice that communion was for baptised Catholics only. The communion inside had holy wine, but not for us outside.

Yes, I don’t go to church often, but I love the belonging feeling everytime I go.

mm got baptised tonight.

I got to the church around 6.45pm, the mass was supposed to start at 8pm but we were advised to go early to get seated. There were lots of people there already.

Her brother and sis-in-law arrived, and we decided to find seats elsewhere, we found some at the side of the church, so we weren’t facing the fathers, but it was nearer. Pretty good seats. I sat with her parents and her brothers, all in the family.

The mass was long, much longer than usual. Lots of singing. Plus, it was Easter. There were 140 potentials there getting baptised but the fathers and staff there made sure they were done efficiently.

I managed to get a clear picture of mm bent over the basin for baptism, even though it was a back shot it was rather good. The other pictures of confirmation wasn’t as good, let’s home mm’s dad took better ones.

The mass finished 3 hrs later, so it was past 11pm. Then everyone wanted to take photos of the group; with the fathers; in their little groups. People walked up to the “stage” which I always thought was off-limits.

Her brother drove us home. mm will be going to CC for mass tomorrow morning. But I won’t be going.

I guess it’s mm’s influence, but articles about religion catch my eye more nowadays. Or perhaps not, because I would have zoomed in on any article that tells us about monks in Wisconsin with a laser cartridge filling business.

Really.

I mean, think about how monasteries, any religion, and how they cover their expenses. Most do not receive any financial help from the government or the church. Donations, fund-raising events, tourism (selling souvenirs), farming, wine- and cheese-making are the activities that come to mind.

Looks like the monks have finally entered the 21st century and the wonders of e-commerce. Behold Laser Monks of the Cistercian Abbey of Our Lady of Spring Bank in Wisconsin. Founded in the late 1920s, their fund-raising efforts have included selling cheese gift boxes, farming, real estate development, they had even considered building a four star golf course.

That was, until Fr. Bernard McCoy, O. Cist., Steward of Temporal Affairs at the abbey, also CEO of Laser Monks, decided to look for print cartridges for their laser printers.

In my search for a toner cartridge, I was suddenly struck with how incredibly expensive this black dust and a few squirts of ink were. “There must be a better way,” I said to myself.

What started as a small business grossing $2000 in 2002 has grown into sales of $2.5 million in 2005, with expected sales to exceed $5 million in 2006. That’s phenomenal in any accountant’s books. They do very little advertising, but they don’t seem to need it, with international coverage in the likes of cnn money.

After expenses are deducted, the rest of the profits go toward charity and various programs.

The retail and services industry is so cut-throat that consumers will latch onto any gimmick or novelty that catch their fancy. A Catholic abbey selling cheap print cartridges (they recently expanded to office supplies) where profits go to charity? It appeals to anyone looking for a bargain and to get a sense that they’re “doing good.”

A little research, for a HP Q7560A (HP 3000 series), Laser Monks sell for $128.95 while both staples and HP sell for $134.99. The cheapest at pricescan.com is thenerds.net at $115.30 but for some reason I’m hesitant to buy automatically from the cheapest place.

If I had a printer, I’d buy from the monks too.

went with mm to the church she’ll be baptized, it’s not the one she normally goes to, but it’s the one I sometimes went to when I was young. I showed her how to get there by bus, cos she normally goes via subway. We walked a little way from the church and had a simple lunch. Walked around the street stalls afterwards, then it was time for her to go to a pre-baptism activity.

Part of me thinks I should have gone with her. Reading her post, her dad even came back especially. Sigh, I’m not being a good … what are we? What are bbmm in the eyes of God?

I read the essay she wrote for Fr Lok, it really flowed. And told a very moving story in simple words without being overly sentimental. It was a journey of someone who found the love of god, obviously written by someone with very strong faith. And I definitely think she ought to translate and post it. I’m not surprised Fr Lok asked her to write an article for the church paper, it’s a good example for all the people studying and even for people who are still pondering.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a specific path that God wants mm to follow — it’s like God has been waiting for her to find love all these years and now that she’s there, He has plans for her enthusiasm, openness and ability. I’m so proud, but there is a small part of me that wonders if I have a strong enough place in it. Well, it’s something we need to discuss and I shouldn’t be posting this on here and shocking mm like this. Sorry!!!!! :)

I went to church with mm this morning. Got out of bed at 8.20am on a sunday morning. I wanted to make the effort, since it means so much to her.

The chapel at the Catholic Centre was small, and almost full when we got there. She’s in the choir so I had to sit on my own. Luckily the lady directing traffic found me a seat near the choir, actually it was just behind them, I was settled.

Good service. The Irish father talked about the story of the reluctant prophet Jonah and how he was supposed to have survived 3 days in the belly of a whale. Sometimes I gotta laugh at how people who wrote the Bible treated these stories as if they’re real. It’s a metaphorical whale, people. But still, a good story.

I like this church. They sing everything that is singable. The atmosphere isn’t pretentious, everything is efficient. But I’m not sure if I’ll go as often as I should. She has choir practice afterwards and that meant hanging around for 1.5 hours when I’d much rather be at home and online. I’m pretty sure my temper will get bad if I have to hang around every week.

We had a nice lunch then went clothes shopping. Honest honest, this must rate as one of my least favorite activities. My shopping M.O. is know exactly what I want, target the shop(s), zoom in and get out as soon as possible. I couldn’t manage spending 50 minutes in every shop, trying clothes over and over again, and asking the sales people all sorts of questions. I can barely talk to the sales assistants, let alone ask them anything.

Fruitful shopping trip though, she bought a really fantastic blue striped sweater and a few other tops. All were on sale, that was good. I didn’t have any energy to find anything for myself.

When we finally reached the foot massage place I was so tired, I almost fell asleep straightaway. I was asleep for most of the 1.5 hours though. After the foot massage we tried the ear candle massage. It’s our second time and it was pretty comfortable afterwards. When the therapist held the burning candle in my ear, I heard gentle crackles and pops, she was giving me a face and neck massage at the same time. Yeah, I fell asleep again.

Dinner was Indian food. I’m still tired.

Early start today, it was her sis’ birthday and we went to 7.15am mass as remembrance.

I left at 6.40am and caught the first bus out. The streets are so different at that time of day, much quieter and peaceful of course. But people already stirring. Trucks making deliveries, early shift people getting to work, older folks exercising in the park. The view and atmosphere was different, the people out and about were different too.

Can’t imagine having to be up that early everyday. I’m not a morning person though I’m waking up earlier nowadays, it’s the ageing.

The service was held in the loft of the church. I got there pretty early and the main hall was empty, I was surprised.

The theme today was how Mother Mary found out she was pregnant and she didn’t know what to do. And even when Jesus was suffering at the end, she visited him again and again and how painful that would have been. The Father told us that she was just living day by day, but she had no worries, cos God was in her heart. He gave an example of kids taking RE class, they can probably recite the Bible better than us, but do they know the meaning of those words and stories?

Do I consider myself a good Catholic? If I’m talking whether I go to mass, or pray and all the activites, I’m sorely lacking. But I do believe, even though I’m classified as a sinner. I took communion and I didn’t feel it was wrong, I was glad I did.

After the service I went to breakfast with her family. By the time I got on the minibus home it was 9am. The streets were very different from merely 7 hours before. Full of people getting to work, all faceless, all busy.

Another late start to the day, not as late as yesterday. We’d planned to go out, but it was 3.30pm and we were still at home and I’d turned the heater on for a shower.

Finally we did go out, because we went to a baptism mass. It was a long mass, combined Easter and baptism and confirmation. So much so that we had to sit at an outside bench and couldn’t hear most of the procedings. But when it came to the ceremonies we went forward and crushed with everyone to get a glimpse.

It was very moving. Very moving, long mass, but the joy on everyone’s faces. It was long, and to ‘civilians’ probably boring. But the hymns were beautiful and the readings were lovely. And it’s unusual, we had both holy bread and holy wine today.

It’s at times like this that I’m glad of my belief, even though I hardly go to church. It’s the solid foundation inside me that helps me become who I am.

Disney has been on our minds a lot recently. So it was interesting to come across an article in the Sydney Morning Herald about how "Disney has colonised the imagination of the world's children ... without the aid of God."

This is from a new book, The Gospel According to Disney: Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust by Mark Pinsky, who argues that Disney has managed to convey the message that good will always prevail over evil even though Disney's animated features are (perhaps deliberately) devoid of religious figures and themes. And even goes as far as subverting orthodox Christian views on magic, paganism and promoting other religions.

According to his daughter, Disney himself was very religious, but “he did not believe you had to go to church to be religious.” Interestingly, the films' theme of self-reliance, compassion and loyalty has often been used by the church in its teachings.

The Disney gospel is all about “me, my dreams, my will. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.” It's as simple as that. May be too simple. The review on amazon says that “the book bogs down amidst the massive Disney canon”, and Pinsky “seems torn between admiring Walt's dream to communicate lessons to children across cultures, and debunking its uplifting, family-friendly fare as a sentimental notion — naïve at best and disingenuous at worst.”

Say what you will about the corporation, profit-minded, self-righteous, and according to Southern Baptists, subversive (they tried to promote a boycott of Disney products after the company introduced equal rights for gay employees and their partners). It's a global corporation, its aim is to make money and generate profits. If in the process it has managed to entertain people, taught children about being self-belief and promoted world harmony, then it should be left in peace to continue what it has been doing for over 50 years.

Easter Sunday. What better than to watch The Passion of Christ. What did I feel after it finished? Long, and slow. Violence and goryness for the sake of seeing lots of blood. Too much telling, not enough showing.

Everyone knows the story. I know Jesus was beaten up, sacrificed his life for us. It's a powerful, moving and extremely important story. It's a story I already believe in, have passion over, and was all prepared to shed tears over.

But the film didn't touch on any of the drama, meaning, depth. I sat there thinking about how they got the bodysuit special effects done, wondering about the names of the characters and waiting for something to happen that would grab my attention. Ritual beatings and lots of fake blood wasn't how I want to remember this. But unfortunately that's how it has remained.

According to tradition, the spirit of the departed returns home a certain date after their passing. To ensure a peaceful return a meal of favourite foods should be prepared and offered, and a white candle burning outside the door to guide the way. Though the Catholic part of me screams out against such paganistic rituals, the spiritual part of me hits back with why not? Respecting from afar and participating in different practices may not be the same, but they have the same starting point. The underlying theme is basically, it's good to have beliefs. And if the beliefs bring even a small smidgen of joy and comfort in times of mourning, then they are beliefs worth having.

So I had dinner with mm's family last night. And it was a veritable feast. Her mother picked out the best morsels and laid them out. I brought dessert from that little shop at the other side of town, because that's what her sis and I did the last time we had dinner, just the two of us, back before she went into hospital, when she felt fine enough to go to work, eat out and enjoy a semblance of normal life. We had a steak dinner and took the #10 bus to this shop and she told me about their famous sponge cake. So yesterday I went there and bought the special sponge cake and also the almond tea she likes. Liked. Her father kept talking to her during dinner, "do you have enough to eat?", "finished?", "want some fruit?".

Poignant moments.

I read about a newest sensation gripping the media world - Pope Deathwatch. Sigh. People are so cruel. Just when the world should be celebrating 25 years of the papacy, attention is diverted to how frail he is and when is he going to die and politics surrounding who will succeed him. All valid questions and succession should be worked out to avoid being caught unprepared. But do they have to be so blatant and go about it with so little dignity?

As a Catholic we are brought up to revere the church and obey the Pope. Even though personally there are major areas of disparity, like I totally disagree with the church's stance on contraception, abortion and homosexuality, I still look to the Pope as someone to respect. Much more so than say the Archbishop of Canterbury or the Dalai Lama. Because the Pope is my leader.

Am I a bad Catholic because I think modern society needs contraception and abortion and because I don't think being gay is a sin? Or because I hardly ever go to mass? Probably.

But my belief is on such a personal level I don't think it's possible for me to articulate, much less share with others. I do like going to mass but I don't believe God is keeping tabs, like He doesn't look at someone who goes once a week and gives them one gold star and someone who goes everyday gets 3 gold stars and someone who goes once a year gets negative stars. There shouldn't be a quota for being "good", should there?