invisiblecompany

Had she lived, Willow Rosenberg would have probably (no, no uncertainty about that, she would have absolutely) finished top of her class at graduation and gone to any college anywhere in the world. She could have taken any major, though computer science or chemistry would have been odds-on favorites. She would have again graduated top of her class and perhaps even have remained in academia to gain her Masters or Ph.D.

As it was, one rainy day during her junior year she opened the door of her childhood home and invited her best friend Xander in, an invitation she had extended hundreds of times before. But the Xand that day was a different Xand, he looked at her in a way that was more adult and full of hidden intentions and promises.

And as his hands caressed her face and his eyes her body, she felt the stirrings of emotions in places she had never experienced before. His touch was soft and — oh my god this is new! — arousing. He asked her in a very un-Xander like voice to close her eyes and slowly kissed her. It was her first kiss.

When he moved his lips down along her neck and whispered to her to stay still, she had never felt so wonderful in her young life. Her breathing became short and she felt her heartbeat accelerate. It was at that point that he brought out his demon face and drained her life away in a heady mix of ecstasy and pain.

It rained the day she died.

Her Sire took away her chance of college when he took her life, but he could not take away her thirst for knowledge.

Of course, it was so much easier to build a library of knowledge when you just took whatever books or computers or anything that tickled your fancy, paying for them using actual money was an indulgence she allowed herself only very occasionally.

Unlike the majority of vampires, who would consider flipping through the Penthouse that they stole from their latest victim as fulfilling their reading requirement for a lifetime, she was proud that she had read every single book in her collection, some more than once. She liked the smell of proper books, of holding them in her hands and turning the yellowing pages. Reading them on the computer or hooked up to mind-feeders while asleep were just not the same. Besides, it reminded her of ... two heads glued together over a book, sharing giggles and stolen kisses in the library or on their bed or under their large, shaded, special tree.

Every second of every day of my meager unlife. I miss her so much.

"Hey Wills, can you stay behind for a bit and go through last week's lab notes with us?" A whiny, barely-out-of-her-teens voice rampaged its way through her reminiscence.

If I were a normal vampire I'd be happily gorging on your hot, virginal (well, not quite, I know what you get up to every night), delicious blood. But I made a promise to a very special lady.

"Okay, sure thing," she replied amiably. "But not too late, I need to go food shopping."

"Willow, you're the smartest person, like, ever, and you're a total whiz with technical stuff, you know we get food from the Control Center, not the shops, don't you?"

You want me to break my promise?

"Oh, I'm following a special diet, cos of my, um, skin allergy." You know, like being unnaturally pale and having no blood circulation.

"You're looking even paler than usual, too much time clubbing it, eh? You going tonight?"

"Probably."

She was in her element, easily mingling in with the college crowds. She was not there on false pretenses, she was officially enrolled in the program. With her vast resources collected over the years it was easy, too easy, to re-invent herself every few years and turn up at the various universities around the world, the ever eager student, hungry for knowledge. In looks, she would forever remain her 17 year old self, so never an issue there.

She had degrees in history, engineering (mechanical, electrical, software, she'd done them all), philosophy, medicine (and a whole slew of biological sciences), the toughest financial derivatives courses, an MBA here, MFA there, plus of course, English (her major). Harvard, Stanford, most of the UC campuses, a couple of the University of London colleges, La Sorbonne, Hebrew University Jerusalem, she had certificates from all these institutes proudly stored in her personal sanctum.

It was her second time at Oxford. She liked being in Europe, always felt free there, not judged. Away from the emotional baggage that inevitably latched onto her when she was back in the States.

It was also easy to slip into nerd Willow mode. If she were honest with herself, she would acknowledge that the geek never left her. But unlike the 16 year old nerd Willow, this Willow had self-confidence, was not so desperate to please and had decades of experience as cruel, manipulative master vampire of her own town, so it was not surprising that lesser humans of weak mind and even weaker bodies found themselves inexplicably drawn to her.

It would have been so effortless to build her own clique, to amass a pack of minions or a coterie of human pets, yet she did not. The days of being master were no longer important for her, and she was just there to enjoy student life.

So she stayed behind with her study group and talked about organic chemistry.

It was nearly dark when she made her way to her friendly neighborhood blood dealer, otherwise know as the butcher. Although occasionally she gave in and snacked on a human, her staple diet had been butcher's blood for a long while. She remembered using the analogy of 5-star gourmet dining vs bread and water when explaining the difference between live human and animal blood, that was several lifetimes ago.

Besides, living on bland animal blood was her atonement for what she did not have the courage to do. It was her bread and water, it was what she deserved.