Here's the itinery for mum and I'l pilgrimage this year. I plan to bring my laptop with me to write a journal of the trip and so I can upload pictures to it to leave space in the memory stick for more photos. Hope to share everything with bb. :)

There's a site claimed to have "the most important tourist site in Palestine." They do cover most of the places we are going to visit this summer.

Click here for another link.

I'm a bit lost. Geographically speaking, do the Isralis and Palestinians occupy the same country but different region??

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Day 1 (Tuesday) - Flight to Tel Aviv

Airport: Ben Gurion

Day 2 (Wednesday) - Tel Aviv - Jerusalem

Church of Visitation - Church of Dormition [(1), (2), (3), (4), (5)] - Church of St. John the Baptist.

Day 3 (Thursday) - Jerusalem - Bethlehem - Old City

Bethlehem - Church of Nativity [(1), (2), (3)]- Church of Shepherd's Field [(1), (2)] - Old City - Wailing Wall - The Mosque of Omar [(1), (2), (3), (4)]- >The Mosque of El Aqsa [(1), (2), (3)] - The Crusader Church of St. Anne [(1), (2)]- The Pool of Bethesda - Way of the Cross - The Church of the Holy Sepulchre [(1), (2), (3)].

Day 4 (Friday) - Jerusalem - Mount of Olives

Mount Zion - King David's tomb - The Cenacle - Mount of Olives - Garden of Gethsemane - Church of All Nations - Church of St. Peter - Pater Noster Church - Chapel of Ascension - Dominus Flavit Church.

Day 5 (Saturday) - Jerusalem - Qumran - Dead Sea

Day 6 (Sunday) - Tabgha - Capernaum - Mount of Beatitudes - Nazareth - Tiberias

The Sea of Galilee - El Kursi - Mount of Beatitudes - The Sanctuary of the Beatitude - Capernaum - St. Peter House - Ancient Synagogue - Tabgha - The Sanctuary of the Multiplication of Loaves - The Church of Primacy of Peter - Yardenit Baptismal Site - Mount Tabor - The Church of Transfiguration.

Day 7 (Monday) - Tiberias - Cana - Haifa - Caesarea

Cana - The Church of Miracle - Haifa - Bahai - Persian Garden - Mount Carmel - Elijah's Cave - Caesarea - Roman Theatre - Ancient Seaport.

Day 8 (Tuesday) - Tel Aviv to Rome

Rome - Trevi Fountain - Pantheon - Colosseo - Arco di Constantino - Piazza Venezia - Basilica Maria Maggiore - Santa Croce in Gerusalemme.

Day 9 (Wednesday) - Rome

Vatican - St. Peter's Square - Basilica San Pietro - Vatican Museum.

Day 10 (Thursday) - Rome - Naples

Duomo - San Gennaro - The Church of San Lorenzo Maggiore.

Day 11 (Friday) - Naples - Pompei - Assisi

Pompei - Mount Vesuoio - Porta Marina - Basilica - Tempio di Apollo - Giove - Forum.

Day 12 (Saturday) - Assisi - Rome

Basilica of St. Francis - San Damiano - Basilica of Maria degli Angeli - Basilica of Santa Clare - Santa Maria Maggiore - Rome.

Day 13 (Sunday) - Rome

Basilica San Giovanni in Laterano - Scala Santa - St. Paul's outside the walls Church - Catacomba di St. Callisto.

Day 14 (Monday) - Return flight

Day 15 (Tuesday) - Back home

A lot happened today:

1. Sam's admission

Yes, I did it! I moved Sam's admission to be a solicitor of the local courts. It's my first time. Got up early, got into the office first to collect the robe and took a taxi to the Court. I was there even before her and her boyfriend! ha ha ha!

I made a few amendments to the speech yesterday and she approved of it. I practised that speech a few times. I was a bit nervous and prayed before I left office that I won't mess things up for Sam!

It went ok, I think. There were only about 11 to be admitted. We started just after 9:30am and finished by around 10:30 am at the most. Then we had champagne at the Shangri-la and stayed there chatted until around 12 noon. bb called my mobile and we spoke in the interim. :) They booked a table for lunch at a very nice restaurant but I wasn't keen. I said I'll do some shopping - need to look for a departure gift for my secretary. And I went to my brother's office to return the robe to him (He borrowed it from his friend for me), stayed there a little while before I went to do a little shopping. Didn't buy anything at all. I think a Burberry wallet would be quite nice but it's slightly out of budget. So, I'm still considering it.

2. Shopping at the local convent garden

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I thought about getting something for mum. Eventually, I opted for flowers. I don't think she receives bouquet often so I think that'll be rather nice. All female like flowers, right?

So I shopped at the local convent garden. I must have went round that market a few times as I spent some 2 hours there! I didn't have anything in mind and when I did, I couldn't get fresh and nice ones for my mum, and had to look for alternatives. I wasn't going to buy anything for Ms. Chu but then a thought came to my mind and thought it would be nice to get her some flowers too. So I did eventually. She's an elderly lady, having limited families afterall. Whatever happened, happened. I should open my heart and put it in the past. I felt happy for being able to put it behind and have a "big (or bigger) heart" . :)

3. Mass and class

Yes, then went to the Anticipated Mass and the post-baptism class. I deliberately went there early to join the others to say a Rosary before that mass. I thought I might be a little late so I walked pretty fast from the flower market to the church, but I got there just in time - hee hee!

I felt very good after the mass, as it's one of those I concentrated well. My mind and thoughts didn't wonder off too much. I like this week's Gospel. It has a lot of depth and I like this in particular: "Abide in me, and I in you." I feel so close to Him, especially when I received the Communion. It's so romantic!

The class was good too. Lot's of fun! The group is pretty nice and a few of us have a good sense of humour so we often have a good laugh ! :D

4. Wrapping papers and ribbons

After that, I looked for wrapping papers and ribbons. I needed to arrange the flowers into a nice (or at least, acceptable) bouquets for mum and Ms. Chu. I was late and a lot of the stationery shops on my way home were already closed. By the time I got everything and got home, it was already 11 pm. I had something to eat and then started the flower arrangements. No, I never learnt how to do it and I'm not artistic. When I was young and was attending school, my artistic works that needed to be handed in (as it was part of the curriculum) were finished most by my sister at my mum's request. My sister often couldn't understand why she had to pick up the pieces for me. You see, I usually left those artistic homeworks until the last minute and usually after the clock had struck 10:30pm or 11pm, I would have started a little bit of it but would be stuck, or started to sob, or something, then my mum would come to help. When either she had something else to do or when she too was stuck, she would ask my sister to help me out. She was young too and often she had to climb out of bed to help me! ha ha ha! Thinking back, it sounds so funny and a lot of memories come back to me. Only if my sister is here to share those memories with me now. But I should wish that she's now in heaven, be with our Father, enjoying peace and everlasting life. And I will see her again one day. I suppose I better be good from now on or I may not go to heaven to see her lah! :P

It took me 2 hours to finish wrapping two bouquets, which are not big at all ! By the time I finished, it was already 2am. I didn't realise it was so late, but I enjoyed doing it. :)

It's been a while since I post anything here. (I just checked - it's almost been a month! wow, time really flies!!) Yes, because of laziness. A number of things have happened and I wanted to post it here so that there'll be a record of them, but ...

That's the past. I'm making an effort now. Here's a summary of what has happened, insofar as I can recall and/or worth mentioning here.

1. Pilgrimage in July 2006

At the end of April 2006, Father Lok told me they were going to Israel and Rome in July 2006. I was very interested and wanted to join them immediately. Me being me, I obtained the itinery and the application form (yes, you have to apply for it; something that - at least on the face of it - money doesn't seem to be able to buy) and considered it over the long week in the beginning of May 2006. It goes without saying that I was babbling to bb.

On the following working day, I applied for 2 places - for mum and I. Yes, mum is coming too. I was hesitant as I'm not patient enough and in fact, I debated whether to ask her to join us. I blame myself for having such hesitation as afterall, she's my mum! I only have one; my sister is not with us, my brothers are busy with their respective families ...

There were two difficulties: (1) the travel agent said the tour was already full and mum and I were on waiting list (2) the dates directly clashed with my boss and Richard's leave. (1) was quickly resolved - Father Lok said no problem, although the travel agent still maintains mum and I were on waiting list. (2) was difficult. I spoke to Richard twice and you should have seen the guy's attitude. Not only was it totally non-negotiable, he was rude and bold - bearing in mind his leave had not been approved !! I even told him that if we could not reach a compromise, it's possible that neither of us would be going away. He went, "If the partner tells me he doesn't approve my leave, I'll live with it." So much for a friend ! From then on, I don't talk to him. If he comes into my office, I pretend I'm busy.

I so much wanted to join the others to pilgrimage that I was planning to resign if necessary. Yes, I was very serious about it. To say that I'm interested is an understatement. As I was saying to sf, somehow I felt an urge to go; I don't remember wanted something so badly. I prayed earnestly. I was very sad for an evening or two I was hard-pushed to have someone to talk to; someone who would understand where I was coming from. I called Sister Catherine and felt much better after having spoken to her. She said she would pray for me. In one of my emails to Father Lok keeping him up to date of my position, I asked him to pray for me too. So thick-skin!

My boss is a Christian so he could understand much better. Eventually, he approved my leave - so all 3 of us are going way at the same time. When I told Sister Catherine the good news, she was very happy for me and said after we hang up, she would go to their chapel and thank God. She's wonderful ! I don't know what to do without her.

2. Argument with Ms. Chu on 7 May 2006

I had an argument with Ms. Chu last Sunday. She returned from her pilgrimage last Saturday evening and took Sunday off, so I didn't see her that day. I excused myself from attending a talk about Mary Mother in this coming Saturday, as I have to attend an after-baptism class that runs until end of June 2006. I went back to the office in the afternoon after Sunday Church. Around 3pm, Ms. Chu called. She yelled at me and cross-examined why I'm not attending the talk. I said because I needed to attend the class at St. Teresa's Church. The timing of the two clashes directly with each other. I can only be at one place at one time. She said people put in effort to organise a talk, she told the speaker (Sister Watt) that there'll be a great turnout, whatever I'll learn at that class I can always learn it any other time (implying that she could teach me too), that all I needed to do is to speak to Father Lok and excuse myself, that I'm newly baptised ... blah blah blah. I told her I have taken all those into account when I considered the matter and I think it's more important for me to attend the class than the talk. The class is a once in a life time thing as you are only baptised once, whilst you could and would have talks about Mary Mother later. She wouldn't accept it and kept yelling and screaming at me. Eventually, I said I'd consider it. I just wanted to put down the phone. No point of arguing with her. My position is clear and I have stated it in unequivocal terms.

I was so upset - what have I done wrong??! Why was I put under such tremendous pressure? She sounded as though if the turnout is not good, that's my fault. Am I that important??! Shed a few tears because I was furious with her attitude. Prayed again, then spoke to Yolanda. I said I'm sure I'll learn something whichever event I attend. I weighted the importance and meaning of them before making the decision. And Ms. Chu sounded as though it's important for me to attend the talk on Mary Mother because she needed the number of people or she'll lose face. Sorry, how does that come into the equation??! I felt much better having talked to Yolanda. :)

A few days later, she called again and asked if I'd make a donation to some charity. I agreed at $100. As soon as I said that, there were a few seconds of silence. She must have been expecting more. Well, charity is not the kind of things you could force upon another, right? During that conversation, she said re talk on Mary Mother, she would respect my decision whatever I decide to do, although she wanted me to go to CC. I said nothing. As I said, I have already stated my position. Why repeat myself, when doing so may provoke her??

That same evening, I bumped into Yolanda. Told her re this conversation. It's good to talk to her. :)

From that incident, I'm not sure if my relationship with Ms. Chu could be as good as before. Or look at it another way, I don't want to put all resources on one person. She has all the assistance from CC members. I think if possible, I should help others who are more needy. So perhaps not just this one incident, but it may be a catalyst. I should perhaps thank this incidence as it helps me to crystalise my views and gives me a chance to put some distance between us, as I find her too attached to me. I don't like it and don't feel comfortable with it.

I don't know how she feels. Perhaps she thinks I'm not obedient and rebellious, and I have changed since my baptism, because I don't need her anymore, etc etc. Perhaps the feeling is mutual in that she too, wants to put so distance between us.

If so, that's a compromise.

3. Ms. Chu's visit to CC on Sunday

Spoke to Yolanda re this Sunday. She would take Ms. Chu to CC, although taking her back remains an issue. It's Mother's Day this Sunday and we both have plans. We agreed that she would quietly ask CC members tomorrow when she sees them at the talk. The worst scenario is that we'll put her on a taxi, as there's no slope from where she usually gets off taxi and her flat, so she should be able to cope.

We also agreed that bringing her back to her place after Sunday Church is something CC needs to address as it's looking to be long-term. The problem is occupying someone to specially take care of her every week. We all have our own families, obligations and lives. That may sound selfish, and yes, it is selfish. But we are only human. Further, if we devote all time to her, how would that be fair to our own families, our friends and ourselves??

May be we'll see how well she copes this weekend; perhaps she doesn't need extra help? Even if she does, may be we could take turns??

4. sf

During our conversation today, sf said I should not be obssessed with the Religion; that I should keep a balance. That came about when he asked for my plans this weekend, and I told him I'm going to a class at the Church tomorrow and meeting mum and my family after Sunday Church. He didn't give me a chance to respond. Weird. He also said it's "nonsense" for me to become a nun. Why such unsolicited comments/opinions and also over-reaction it seems??

I just wanted to tell him that I enjoy doing what I'm doing. Who knows? My enthusiasim may die sooner than anyone knows - me being an Aries, although I pray that this will never happen to me.

Why can't he be a bit more like bb, just a bit??! (shoe-shining lah! hee hee)

5. Legion of Mary

Since this March, Father Lok has been recommending this to me. I visited them twice at their weekly meetings and enjoyed them. I like the team spirit and politics-free atmosphere. Father Lok is leading - may be that's why.

I told them I am interested to join them. The procedure is I would then be on probation for 3 months - a chance for me to see if it suits me and if I suit them. However, since I have registered for a short course for the newly baptised (a course in which a number of senior Fathers would be speaking), and that I would be going to prilgrimage, I would only start my probation in August 2006. No hurry. If that's what God wants me to do, I'll do it, sooner or later.

I wasn't going to go on the short course, but Sister Catherine highly recommended it. So I registered it.

6. Sister Catherine

I like Sister Catherine very much and feel very comfortable to share my feelings with her. I knwo she would understand and can see where I'm coming from. The issue of my intended resignation is an example. She didn't say, "yes, do it." Her advice was objective, balanced, realistic and she has no agenda! Now, that's very important.

7. Moving Sam

I'm moving Sam to be a local solicitor tomorrow morning. It's my first time - first debut! Feel very honoured that I'm asked to do so for her. I'm thrilled and excited about tomorrow. Tonight, I'll pray that all goes well, that I won't make a fool of myself and at the same time, embarrass Sam.

In my previous entries, I mentioned that Father Lok had asked me to write an article for the local Catholic newspaper, which was inviting sharing from the to-be-baptised. I did and Father Lok edited it for me. It was then published - not once but twice! Yes, twice! I wort of knew about the first one - I wasn't sure if the Editor of the newspaper would publish mine, although Father Lok used to be the Chief Editor of that newspaper. I don't want it to be a matter of "giving face" to him. I take pride in my work. If the current Chief Editor didn't want to publish it, for whatever reasons, I was relaxed about it.

On Good Friday this year (14 April 2006), I went to mum's local church to attend mass. The then current issue of the Catholic newspaper was available and somehow, I was motivated to get one (I am not a regular to that newspaper). Soon after I started reading it, I found an article whose author shares the same name as mine. When I read the first few sentences, I thought that was familar and I realised it's my article - again! The title the Editor gave to the article is different to the other they published and they also edited the last sentence of it. But it's the second time they published it! I am thrilled and feel very privileged! It's probably part of God's plan - He knows I needed further encouragement and confidence for my baptism on the following day, 15 April 2006. Praise to God!

I told bb and on 15 April 2006 night, after my baptism at St. Teresa's Church, she bought several copies of it. She took one for herself and did a draft translation for it and asked me to finalise it. She suggested and I agreed that I should get it translated and post it here. But because of the various preparation, and that I needed to take care of my teacher, I haven't got round doing so. But very nice and considerate and thoughtful bb had already done it. God bless her!

Here it is - to share with you.

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I attended Catholic schools since I was young, which means I have heard of and am fairly familiar with the bible stories and God's teachings since I was young. I have yet to be baptised; partly because I didn't know I could make such request, partly because I consider it more important that one truly and sincerely believes in Christ, that one believes with all his heart and soul; baptism was a mere formality. I live my life with as much adherance to God's teachings as possible, whilst admittedly, my understanding of God's Words is limited. I wanted to show that I am a Christian, a Jesus' follower, by my faith, by my actions and how I live my life, and not by the Certificate of Baptism that the Church issues to those who are formally baptised. During this time, many asked if I believed in God, and I answered "I do" with no hesitation. The thing is, if I do, why am I not a Catholic/Christian? I don't know how to answer!

About two years ago at a turning point in my life, I took stock of my relationship with God. I was struck with the need to properly acknowledge God's love for and graces to me. I started taking catechumen lessons. I guess many people start to know Him from attending those lessons, whereas I had already decided to follow Jesus when I started those lessons.

In early February this year at a social gathering, I learnt that I might be baptised this year. In mid-February, I met Father Lok of St. Teresa's Church. Not only did he allow me to be baptised this year, he offered to be my tutor for my distance learning course! I am so lucky! It has always been my wish to be God's child. Although I had missed/ignored the many opportunities He had given me in the past, yet He still welcomes me to His family! He saw to my need and had already made all the arrangements for me even before I prayed and asked for them!

It is hard to describe how I felt at the time. To draw an analogy, it felt like getting engaged or married to the person you love, whom you have dated for a long time and knew that he was "The One." The ecstasy of the engagement was mixed with a little trepidation too. I went through a period of introspection. Would my enthusiasm for God fade away after the glitter fades? Will I become yet another lapsed Catholic thus somewhat bring embarrassment to Him and to the Church? Can I be a good Christian/follower? I don't want to embarrass the Church because of my immaturity; that I have rushed things without thinking it through.

Becoming a member of the Catholic family is both formal and solemn. It is a life-long promise to God; it is a vow to Him. Some of my friends thought it was no big deal; but I am privileged to have the support and encouragement from Father Lok, my teachers who taught me catechumen, my family, my godfather and friends.

The preparation for baptism was demanding. If one were to do a proper job, one would have to sacrifice a lot of his personal time and activities. Take for example, I was unable to attend a gathering today as the first pre-baptism ceremony was going to be held. Some friends asked, "why is it so difficult to become a Catholic? Don't you only need to "believe"?" How can I explain this to the non-Catholics? Simply put is that this pre-baptism ceremony could bring me closer to God. Notwithstanding the various pressures, I find joy in all these meetings and preparation.

It is now about a month till Easter. Most of the butterflies in my stomach had been settled and I have diligently made all preparations for my baptism. The remaining question is if I could sustain my passion and my love for God and for the Church. I don't have an answer to this question. I could, and would, only do my best to fulfil my Christian duties; pray more and harder, and ask for God's help that by the graces I would receive through my baptism, that my love and passion for Him and His Church would grow stronger, and stronger. And I would also ask God to give me confidence and courage that I would need to spread the Good News and joy to everyone around me.

I look forward to Easter to arrive, when through baptism, I shall appear with a whole new identity.

- 4 March 2006

Slept until around 9:30am / 10am. Slept quite well. Heart wasn't pounding too hard then. Around mid-morning, my teacher called to congratulate me. Dad was arriving this afternoon and mum and him were to have dim sum tea. I was invited too, but I declined and said I would rather stay at home to prepare myself for tonight.

This is the day I've been waited for so long! As I said in the article that was published in the local Catholic newspaper, I have always wished and longed to be God's child. And yes, it's gonna be tonight! It's taken me a long time and a long way to God but from this evening onwards, I shall be one of His children.

Like yesterday, I read the bible and more from Benny and Priscilla's book. Prayed. Surfed a while. Eat a bit too much, I guess it's comfort eating. Went to local shop to get the sponge for applying make up foundation. What else? May be watched a bit of TV. Then I started to get change and get ready.

Left home around 5 pm in the end. I was going to leave a bit earlier but somehow, time flew quickly. Got to St. Teresa's church at around 6pm. Sat at the garden where they honour St. Mary, prayed and had a granary roll and some water. The ceremony would last until 11pm and there would be no time for dinner. After I've been to the washroom and let people know that I had arrived, I entered the church, and prayed more. I could really feel the anxiety.

At around 7pm, met with my Godfather and I led him to our seat. He gave me a crucifix that has been blessed by Father, and a wallet-sized card. I said that's great as I can put his card in my wallet that would be with me wherever I go. :)

My family and friends gradually arrived. They were my family - my parents, my two brothers, Anita, bb; my ex-colleagues - Monita and Isana; CC members - Patrick, Winnie, Yolanda, Joseph, Zeno and Catherine; from King's - Peter, Stephen, Arthur and Peter's friend who came from Japan; and from Bedford Girls - Barbara, Emily and Paulina. Almost two dozen - wow!

Before the ceremony formally started, Father Lok reminded us what to do and of the run-down, and we rehearsed for baptism and the receiving of candles representing the light.

It formally started shortly after 8pm. It started with Lighting of Candles. All lights in the church was switched off. Father Lok blessed the flame and lit the Special Candle. Then the several Fathers, Deacon Tse and alter boys entered, followed by several readings from the Old Testament. This part of the ceremony wasn't in mum's baptism ceremony.

The second part the ceremony started very much like a mass. The additional bit was to baptise 140 of us, and for us to receive the Confirmation, followed by the Holy Eucharist/Communion. As there were so many of us to be baptised and even more to receive the Holy Communion, I reckon all relevant hymns in that hymn book were sung! I have, of course, taken the advantage of learning a few new ones!

As soon as the ceremony was over, we took a group photo. Actually, I'm not sure if it was taken as I thought I heard the cameramen saying that the group was too large. We were then broken up into several smaller groups according to the catechumen classes. Then I was called by my parents, or was it my friends I could not recall. I only remember that when I was getting change after I got home, I regretted not having had a photo with Father Lok alone. I was busy socialising with my various friends. I really wanted to thank him personally. Although I can still do it when I see him next time, like in the next two months, I would be attending his "consolidation class" every Saturday evening, 7:15pm. But it won't be on the same occasion. My elder brother told me that Father Lok had been surrounded by the crowd and left pretty soon afterwards, so there wasn't much chance for that anyway.

I have taken a shower and cleaned off all make ups. I've also opened the gifts I've received. I am still thrilled and too excited, and couldn't quite sleep or wouldn't want to sleep quite as yet. I know I must as I need to pick up Ms. Chu at around 8:15pm to go to CC. It's already passed 2am. I must do what I must do. I pray that I would not get up too late tomorrow. :P

Today is Good Friday, and it's the first day of the 4-day public holidays. bb is returning from her trip today.

Got up around 9/10 am; not too early, not too late. Read the bible and the book from Benny and Priscilla that they gave me as my baptism gift. It's really good! It's Father Choi's preaching of the Sunday Gospel for Year B. It's a great book. All articles used simple words without losing their depths. Father Choi is the Supervisor of the Religious and Theological Section with Holy Spirit Seminary College. The book is a collection of all articles Father Choi wrote for Year B in 2001 that were published in the local Catholic newspaper.

Then went to the special mass for Good Friday. Met mum there and then went home with her, chatted and had dinner with her before going home.

Read a bit more bible and the book. Did a facial and an eye mask - yes, in preparation for tomorrow - hee hee. Slept ok. Yes, I am excited about tomorrow, but it's still under control and it hasn't affect my sleep. I prayed that I could have a good night sleep as tomorrow will be a long day. My prayer has been answered. Praise to Him!

Today is the last day at work before the 4-day public holiday, celebrating Easter. My colleagues collectively gave me a baptism gift and a card, giving me all the good and warm wishes. How very nice of them! Some of them are even not Christian!

I went into the office late today, quite usual lately as there was nothing to do. When I got into my office, I was hit by a huge bouquet of flowers! It's really huge! They smelt gorgeous! It's from William, congratulating me in advance for my baptism. It's so nice of him! He's going to Taiwan over the weekend on business and could not come to the ceremony.

It's Holy Thursday. There was a special mass at Catholic Centre at 5:30pm then there'll be bible sharing at 8pm; same place. I could have made to the mass on time but I wanted to drag 2 of my colleagues, who are lapsed Catholic to it too. One had a medical appointment and couldn't go anyway. The other was going to go but when the clock struck, she needed to speak to the stupid partner ... Well, same old story, nothing new. So, I went on my own and joined from Father Russell's preaching.

Had lunch with a few CC friends. Sharing started shortly after 8pm and continued until after 10pm. It was good; Benny led us and he was, as always, very well prepared. It was a little longer than usual as one of the attendees talked about her children, how to teach them ... things that are irrelevant to what was discussed and to be discussed. If Benny had not intervened a few times, sharing might take a bit longer. Not that I mind the length of bible sharing. Bible sharing is good. I like them. But not sharing re how to teach children and re comparison between Catholics and the Church of England, for example.

After that, I rushed back to the office to get the bouquet and back to CC to take my teacher home. I didn't want to bring it to CC earlier to avoid attention and questions! A few of them saw it and was envy how wonderful the bouquet was. But they didn't ask any questions, or there wasn't much time for them to do so because soon, my teacher and I got into a taxi and left. Surprising, my teacher didn't ask any question either. My teacher is a nice person, but pretty nosy sometimes. If I answer the phone in front of her, she would ask who it was and so on. Somehow I didn't want to say anything, not that there was anything to hide, but just don't feel like "reporting." So, I would just smile. :)

On the way to my office, Benny and Priscilla gave me a book as my baptism gift. It's from Father Choi. It's his preaching on the Sunday Gospel for Year B, which is the current liturgical year. Many thanks to them. I asked them for their autograph on the book too! hee hee.

My secretary gave me a present today! It's a 2 in 1 : belated birthday present and for my baptism. It's an instrumental CD. She bought it from Catholic Centre gift shop and all music are hymns. Although not vocal, but you can still feel the joy and power from the music. It's very nice. I've downloaded it onto my mini ipod and have been listening to it on route. And there's a birthday card too! :)

The African violet my friend gave me when she returned to Canada is really blossoming! Wow! Take a look (insert picture)!

Again, nothing much to do at work; only checked if the bill narratives were consistent. Certainly unimportant.

Father Lok responded to my email - he congratulated me for having completed the homework. He said that should be sufficient. He suggested may be I could read some religious books and if time permits, join a religious group e.g. Legion of Mary. Yes, that again. He's the Head of Legion of Mary, so can't blame him, right? I may do so later, but let's see. Don't want to rush into anything.

Went home early. Got myself a fish and some veg and made myself a "hot pot" - yum! It's one of those kind of fish I like but bb would not touch because it has too many bones! Then I had many chocolates. Also, made the other herbal tea and drank it.

When I came out from the wet market, the sky still has a bit of blue and not totally dark. I like it. It means it's still early.

Surfed a bit on the net - nothing particularly excited. Watched tv. Downloaded the photos we took on our recent Korean trip and deleted the duplicates - yes! They are beautiful! Must show bb when she's back. :)

Went to HMV during lunch, looked for CDs on hymns. Didn't see anything appealing but I bought a Lang Lang CD. I listened to it before buying it and wow, it's beautiful! So I bought it. I listened to one by Yo Yo Ma and was going to get that, but after I listened to Lang Lang, I found the latter much more appealing to me. I could have bought both of them. I debated hard but didn't because when I listened to Yo Yo Ma again, it's not as appealing as it was before. I'll look for others. Downloaded it to my mini ipod so I can listen to it to and from work. :)

Sister Catherine came to attend the mass at our chapel this morning. It's very nice to see her again! Didn't speak much with her - she came around 9:15am, then she prayed. Soon after that, I had choir practice until beginning of the mass. Obviously, no talking then. After the mass, the conductor for our choir saw her and spoke to her. I only spoke to her after that. That was brief and I saw her to the taxi. Although I didn't give her a copy of the newspaper with my article published, I told her about it and she said she should have a copy of it at home.

Had a fairly long discussion with other members re my teacher's plan to go to work in April. She walks fairly well, but she doesn't manage steps and slopes well. She doesn't have much confidence in them. Ideally, the part-time helper could take her to the MTR station too after her work at my teacher's place. I had a discussion with my teacher after I brought her home. I suggested may be she could work part-time, at least to start with, thus get more exercise and get the strength back. She works long hours at the chapel and involves a lot of hard work. She agreed without much resistance! I'm grateful to God! I prayed and prayed in the last few days, and God has again answered my prayer! Thanks be to God!

Re the "bell for peace of mind", she's a little resistant to it, even when I've asked for it as my baptism gift! She's concerned about the cost. I made enquiry this evening (yes, they are open - 24/7). It's about GBP 8 per month if we were going to rent one, or GBP 5 per month if we were to purchase a new one for her at around GBP 180. I'm thinking of absorbing the cost myself, probably go for rental. Is a burden to me, particularly psychologically, but pecuniary-wise, it's not that much. What does bb think?

I was moody today. Could be because it's pre-deadline. I think because I feel unjust - that I'm doing a lot of my teacher and whilst a few others are also doing so, they don't take any initiative! It's such a big cultural difference! Not just in terms of different countries, but also I think different work environment. In the industry I'm working at, you are trained to be proactive. It may also be because my teacher criticised me unjustly yesterday or on the day before. Further, I'm frustrated at not having enough private time, that too much has been given to her. I know she needs me now, and that I should not feel that way. She kept saying she wants to be independent and she's working very hard on it. Sometimes, I think whether I'm doing all these as part of repentance for the blunders I've made against Him in the past and perhaps still doing. I asked for His forgiveness again and again, but I'm still making the same mistake. But I feel better now. Let's put it behind me.

We should "love each other as we love ourselves." I've been adequately provided for and was given the gift of bb. I should be more generous to the needy. :)

I have also prayed hard that I be rescued from where I work. I'll keep at it.

wore black today, but with the pashmina bb brought me from India recently. That makes it very outstanding and became the focus of my style and what I was wearing today.

The weather today was bad - grey and drizzled from time to time. When I was walking to the tube station this morning, I congratulated myself for being happy. The pashmina felt soft and very warm, and I believe I have a wonderful smile on my face.

I'm grateful for what God has given me. I kept thinking of Him and thanked Him profusely while walking to the tube station. I'll thank him properly tonight - for this and for sending me to Fr. Lok, and through him, for all the encouragement He has given me.

I feel showered with love. :)

My article has been published! I just checked my office email (some instinct drove me doing so - told by God??) and got an email from Fr. Lok. It took me a while to disencode it. It's an email from him informing me that my article is published in this week's Catholic newspaper, on page 8. How every nice and caring of him! Bless him!!

It's the article that Fr. Lok asked me to prepare. It's about how I feel now, whilst waiting to be baptised this year. I spent quite some time to prepare it. I really did put my heart and soul to it. The coincidence is that my thought somehow matches that of Bishop Zen's (as he then was) - In my article, I drew an analogy of a couple who has been dating for a long while and when they have agreed to tie the nod, other than feeling thrilled, I am also concerned - if I'll ever be a good Christian and follow Jesus for the rest of my life. At the 2nd pre-baptism ceremony, Bizhop Zen drew a similar analogy. He said we are going to be "married" to the Church this Easter! I've always said I took my baptism very serious and see it as something most important to my life, even to marriage. An article about that ceremony with Bishop Zen's quote is also published in this issue of the Catholic newspaper.

It's the first time that my work gets published in newspaper, other than written submissions that I prepared on the Lady's case and were adopted by the trial judge in whole as part of his judgment. The entire judgment was overturned last year, except the part that I prepared, which was not even subject to appeal! Yes, I bit of self-praising! ha ha ha!

I must get this week's issue - 2 or 3 copies? One for myself, one for sister Catherine as she has asked for it. Should I get one for Ms. Chu/Sunday Church?? May be I'll just show them mine.

For sure, I'll be showing it to bb. No escape lah - sorry! :P :D

I gave our financial adviser's name and contact details to my secretary. Hope it'll be helpful to both of them. :)

Had dinner with my parents - and I got a present from them! wow!! it's a pendulum! It made up of 3 pearls of different colours, and mum decided on the way they are arranged together. How very nice and thoughtful!

Dinner was generally great. Dad reminds me to remind my brothers to look for properties as he considered the market will go up soon.

I've asked Dad not to fly back here a few days just to attend my baptism ceremony. My guess is he'll come. That'll be great! I hope that Dad could feel the love of God and follow Him one day.

Sent an email to Sunday church members re next week's schedule, as my teacher will go there this Sunday and it would be inconvenient to discuss the matter then.

I've started on another module on my distance-learning course for my baptism. The first paper is about 10 commendments. The short question is what are my thoughts on the content of that paper. I had a bit of difficulty and took me a bit of time to come up with something to say. Yes, I can say so crap but I want to think about it and share my honest view with Fr. Lok. He's such a good teacher.

Then I read today's scripture. It's exactly on point (Matthew 5:17-19)! Another co-incident! This year's Year B and we are sharing the Gospel of Mark. I don't know why today's scripture is Matthew. I've noticed that there was a day or two when they read Luke. May be it's a question I can ask Father or my teacher.

That reading came with meditation and it inspired me re my answer to the short question.

Because I've been taking care of my teacher, I haven't done much homework lately. Now my brothers and sisters in Christ are helping out (see my other post of today's date). I better get on with it at full speed.

It's strange. Someone crossed me today. Today's daily scripture is Matthew 18:21-35, in which it recorded that Jesus asked us to forgive others seventy times seven. When I read it, I thought - what co-incidence!

Attended Sunday church and had a discussion with those members. We agreed to have a schedule to visit my teacher.

Then went to St. Francis of Assisi for the second pre-baptism ceremony. It's about 2 to 3 times bigger than St. Teresa's and it's very nice. Because it's so big, when everyone sang the hymns, it sounded beautiful !

It's purely a ceremony as suppose to a mass as there was no breaking of bread (of course, most of us are not Catholics yet). In the middle of the ceremony, I cried. I don't know why, the tears just came. I was touched; moved. For what? I don't know. I was sitting between mum and my Godfather. Mum noticed it a bit later but didn't say anything. Don't know about my Godfather.

The Catholics-to-be from different church then had a photo taken with Bishop Zen. Godfather left before then as he has another engagement.

Mum and I then went to my family's favourite restaurant for dinner, celebrating for my birthday in advance. Yes, it's about 2/3 weeks in advance - we are all busy people. bb and sister catherine came too - What privilege!

Sister gave me a birthday card and present. It's a book relating to Mary Mother and the card has wonderful words on it. Sister is so nice. Bless her!

Someone from St. Teresa's Church called in the afternoon. She said Father Lok liked the essay I wrote about how I come to follow Jesus and that they intended to post it on the church's website. She asked for a soft copy of the essay so that she doesn't have to re-type it again - it's three pages long! I sent it to her.

Told bb about it. She wasn't so comfortable as the essay is quite personal. Slow as I always am, I didn't think about it when I was asked. I guess I just thought if it helps to spread the good news even in the most remote way, that'll be ok. I have since read the essays by the others that have already been posted on that website. No name was mentioned. I said to bb in that case, only those know me would know the essay is from me (and I think that person would be bb, Father Lok plus the lady who called).

Sorry bb, for being slow. I'm however grateful and enjoying the protection and care from bb.

I'm so spoilt :)

I have been doing homeworks in preparation of my baptism this Easter. For each piece of homework, I have to read some text and answer a few "fill in the blanks" questions and a short question. One of those homeworks talks about the Sacrament of Marriage. The "fill in the blanks" questions are no problem - you will find the answers in the text so the objective is to make sure you have read and understood them.

The short question is this: "True love is the foundation of marriage. What is true love?" I quoted the answers from the text. I also quoted two passages from the bible - and I got those quotes from a recently-held wedding ceremony that I attended. I also quoted from the encyclical from Pope Benedict XVI entitled "God is Love", summarised and paraphrased in the recent issue of the Catholic weekly newspaper. I agree with everything that is said about true love in those documents. I handed in my homework and Father Lok said it looks ok.

That's all academic.

Recently, I have this experience: I have been busy with the church's activities and with all preparations and ceremonies before my baptism. That means I have very little time for bb. She didn't complain at all but rather, she is extremely understanding and supportive. Once, she even took the trouble to take me to St. Teresa's Church by bus to make sure I know the way, and she left whilst I attended the first pre-baptism ceremony. I didn't see her again that evening as I had dinner with my parents and Godfather who also attended the ceremony. She also said she would attend the baptism ceremony in April 2006.

My head has been spinning since I know I would be baptised this April. It has gone a little worse this week while I am searching for God's plan for me. When I was young, I wanted to join a convent. The idea came back recently, although (as I said in my earliest post), I am afraid that I would be the Maria in The Sound of Music and cause trouble to whichever convent that accepts me. From then onwards, as my younger brother would say, there would be "a serious of unfortunate events!"

I know how much bb wants us to be together. Yet bb has suggested we should stay as very close friends to avoid getting in the way to God's plan for me. There was no queue. The suggestion originated from her. As the suggestion sinks in, I got more shocked and have mixed feelings about it. It is something that I have not thought of. What shocks me most is bb's love - so thoughful, considerate, unselfish, sacrificial, caring and putting her priority to the last. As I said, I don't know what I have done to deserve that. In fact, I don't think I deserve that.

One thing is clear: bb has put "true love" into practice. Something I have a long way to learn.

Finished the article that Father Lok asked me to prepare and sent it to him. It's about what it feels to be a Catholic-to-be. It's a little too long. I read somewhere that it should be around 400 words, but I think I must have written over 1200! I tried cutting it down, I really did and my secretary (who did the typing for me) wanted to kill me, I'm sure! In the end, I asked Father Lok's help in my covering email - talking about passing the buck! :P

I'm a bit of a fan of Father Lok now. He's really very nice and gentle and smooth. I've completed about half of the homework that he asked me to do now, prepared "a letter" of why I want to be baptised, plus this article that may be published in the local Catholic newspaper. He's been saying my works are good - yeah! No adverse comments from him so far - touch wood. And he's always so encouraging. It's great to read his posts, although they are short, but you still feel his love and warmth, and that he cares.

My teacher and Father Russell are both unwell. Father Russell speaks at Sunday services that I attend. My teacher has a badly swollen knee. She was in a lot of pain the evening before and couldn't sleep. I went to see her after work last night and her right knee was twice the size of her left knee. Oh dear! One of the members at Sunday church took her to see doctor today. The latest I heard is that she has been admitted to St. Mary's Hospital for closer observation. Seems that her bones are getting old and some tissues were infected.

My teacher told me about Father Russell when I visited her last night. He collapsed during a mass last Sunday (5th) and was rushed to the hospital. I was shocked. Lucky the church was next to the hospital (St. Paul's) so they didn't need to wait for the ambulance. I was told that he has a heart problem and had an operation a few years ago. He too is close to 80 years old - wow! I paid a visit to him at the hospital during lunch today. It was great to chat to him in an informal environment. I hardly had a chance to speak to him. I only see him during Sunday services and he usually has to rush to St. Paul's for the mass at 11:15am. I succeeded in putting a smile on his face and on a few occasions, made him laugh! hee hee.

I only hope that they both get well soon.

I posted a note about my teacher and Father Russell at CC Forum. I guess since then, the member who took my teacher to see the doctor today must have been bombarded with calls from people like myself. Oops. I should be more considerate and exercise a bit more discretion next time. But then I thought if I were the others, I'd like to know too as my teacher is well loved. My post only asked them to remember her and Father Russell in their prayers and perhaps to give them a call when they have a moment. I just thought human are at their weakest when they are unwell, and particularly for those who have given up their lives and families to God.

I love Father Russell too. I didn't quite realise it until I was shocked to hear the news about him yesterday. Guess it's an example of how careless, slow and stupid I am, not realising or recognising those I love. I guess I'm just blind.

Completed my first ceremony to become a Catholic this evening. There are 3 formal ceremonies together, including baptism itself, and my Godfather has to attend each of them for me. I'm really happy and feel privileged that my beloved Uncle Clement is my Godfather. He was baptised just over half a centary ago and he was saying that his baptism certificate itself is an antique! :D

The ceremony was subsumed into a mass. It took a bit longer than a mass, around one and a half hour. There are over 140 to be baptised this year. This evening, each of us has to hand in a letter to Father describing how we get to know God and why we wish to be baptised. The purpose of today's ceremony is that we would be formally admitted to be persons to be baptised this year.

My parents attended the ceremony too. Dad came back especially for that. How nice of him. Mum gave up her mahjong this evening, so it's very nice of her too.

Godfather has to re-schedule some of his appointments to make way for the 3 ceremonies. Bless him!

I said to bb today: when I knew there were 3 ceremonies plus homework, plus retreat and so on, I did think why so troublesome. Then I thought, it's a test of our sincerity to follow God. Also, at each stage, there's always the chance of reflecting and asking ourselves as to whether it's something we want to do. I also think it paves the way for me to be a Godmother for someone else in future. I'm benefiting from others' generosity now. I'll extend the same generosity towards others if I'm asked and when I'm fit to be a Godmother. :)

Father Lok is happy with the homeworks I did so far. He has asked me to write an article about how I feel to be baptised. As I said to bb, I deliberately left something out of my letter to Father that I handed in this evening, saving them for the article. It's not so much of writing or need to find time to write it, it's the content that I'm scratching my head. I saved something to write about, but I need to think about how to write it. Just checked my work email. Father Lok has already written back and re the 5 homeworks I sent him at lunch today. So efficient - wow! Then he chased me for the draft article. God help me!

Just like other mass, Catholics could receive Holy Communion. My Godfather didn't. He said he hasn't done confession. I said, "wow, such good guy!" That's one reason why I like him so much. He's so proper. :)

We then took a taxi and went to a restaurant close to where my parents live and have dinner together. It went well. Only that sometimes Dad asked a few too obvious/commercial questions - eg where did Uncle find his clients and so on. Slightly embarrassing, but I know he meant well. I suppose it's even more embarassing for him, but he did it for me.

Went shopping/walked around with bb in the afternoon. She bought some snacks for her colleagues in India where she's going tomorrow for a week. Showed bb my letter to Father before the ceremony. She said it's good; it flowed well. I'm happy :)

bb asked me to write it here. I'll start tomorrow. A bit tired now. Still recovering from my cold and early rise tomorrow for Church. So I'll go to bed early, after the laundry is done.

Watch this space.

It's been some time since bb write any post. I don't see her often these day, mainly it's because I'm busy with the duties/activities in Church. It's my fault not spending enough time with her. I wonder what's on her mind, what has she been doing, is she happy?

I had a busy weekend. Met with an old A-level schoolmate for dinner on Friday, went to work on Sat morning, then went massage with bb, followed by din din. We had steamed fish, veg and a seafood (don't know what it's called). The fish was not as good as I expected. As always, it's the company that counts. :)

Today, went to the usual Sunday service after which my teacher told other members of the service team that I'm getting baptised this Easter. Chatted a little while with the conductor and a few other members. One of them was going to be a Godmother for her friend, but at another church. I moaned and joked about having quite a lot of homework to do, and asked if anyone would be interested in doing it for me. I was naughty. hee hee. My teacher was serious. She said if I have any difficulty in those homework, we can always discuss them at our lessons. Oops. I didn't mean to worry her. It's true that I feel pressure with those work though.

The conductor lent me a CD which also has the version of Ave Maria we learnt last week. I listened to it plus other Chants Sacres. They are beautiful. I've downloaded all of them onto my library, then my ipod. I can listen to it while travelling. :)

Then Mum joined me to attend a talk at St. Teresa's Church. She was away but came back specifically to join me for that talk, to keep me company. How very nice of her! We were both tired. She dosed off soon after the talk started. I persisted for the first hour. Just when I thought there was a break, Father To continued with the talk. I really was fighting against my sleepyness for the last half hour or so. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I introduced Father Lok to mum.

My teacher asked other members to attend, if they can. As expected, the room was silent. What I didn't expect is that there was no congratulations from other people. It didn't cost them anything. Or may be they see it as nothing new. I understand that. I would only say that they take these matters for granted, sadly. I consider a gift of God. I still remember vividly that on my way to meet Father for the first time, I took the tube then a cab and in that cab, I prayed to God to welcome me to His family. My prayer has again been answered favourably. Lucky!

I notice that I'm becoming more and more human each day. I'm not as dedicated to my work as I was before. I want my time to count for something. May be I'm just not so interested in what I'm doing. Since I know I'll join the big Family this year, I've been thinking how much I want my sis to be there. Only if.

Met with an o-level schoolmate tonight, who just returned from US. It's the first time I met her son. So tall - wow. Time really flies. I haven't seen her for a good few years. She's now 5/6 months pregnant - another boy. :D

Called my teacher early in the morning to report on yesterday's interview with Father. She was happy for me and has kindly agreed to get the "distance learning" materials for me. I'm spoilt. :)

Had dim sum lunch with my parents and elder brother. He and his family has just returned from holiday in Europe. I was thrilled to see them, and was eager to spread the good news to them. Dad said I looked very happy. Yes, I was, and still am. :D

Dropped an email to the conductor to share the good news. Why him? Because my teacher has told him about it. If my skin is thick enough, I would have posted this good news on the service team's website and share the joy with others. I bumped into another member of service team. I was so happy that I hugged her and told her the good news.

Called sis (my ex-teacher) and told her the good news. She was very happy for me.

I also called my ex-secretary and shared the good news with her. She has agreed to be my Godmother if I couldn't get someone else.

bb of course couldn't escape the fate of listening to all my babbles. hee hee.

This is a very special Valentine's Day to me - that I would have the love of God. Something I believe will change me.

bb and I went out for dinner. We had a Japanese restaurant in mind but when we got there, it was packed and there was a queue waiting outside it. We went to a local tea house that serves portugese food. Food was nice. I enjoyed it. It's not expensive, but it's not the cost that counts. It's the company that matters.

Because it's Valentine's Day, even sf called me. We wished each other a Happy Valentine's Day.

I feel very special and privileged today. Feel so much love around me. I'm a lucky girl. :)

Because my brain was stuffed with so much love, I couldn't concentrate and didn't do any work today. Oops. Will try to get in earlier tomorrow to deal with them. The idiot boss bought each of us a box of heart-shaped chocolate from Cova and a small card, wishing us a Happy Valentine's Day. What's wrong with him??!

Didn't get home until late. Finished work around 7pm, but stayed in the office to prepare for my interview with Fr. Lok. I was just discussing forthcoming schedule with my teacher yesterday, and called Fr. Lok yesterday morning, expecting to fix a meeting with him at least one week after. He suggested yesterday evening. I was taken totally by surprise. May be age is getting to me. These days, I like everything planned and would feel thrown out of balance if anything sudden happens. Like this one.

I was about 5/10 minutes late for the meeting. Partly because I was so preoccupied in my thoughts that I took the tube the wrong direction, then I got off a station too early! Bizarre!

The meeting ended at around 10:10pm. The first question was what do I think of baptism. I told him it's something I've wanted to do for a long time and I'd be a wish come true to be able to join this big family. Then he asked about my families, education, work, what has sis catherine and my teacher taught me so far and what I've been doing (e.g. attending Sunday services and "sharing", chapel choir). Later, he explained what's baptism. It's probably the answer he was expecting from me. I knew that already but it didn't come out as such. I wasn't calm enough.

It got better as the meeting went on. We chatted and shared about one of the duties of a Catholic - to preach the good words and spread the good news of God. He said he was now approaching it from a commercial angle. For example, a service team opened an ice-cream palour whilst spreading the good news. He even gave me a 20% discount card! hee hee.

Fr. Lok gave me a timetable of the various ceremonies I need to attend to get baptised. The big day is on 15 April 2006. He said he trusted my teacher. If she said someone is ready to be baptised, he would believe her. Hmmmm ...

I called my mum and bb afterwards, reporting on the meeting. By the time I had something to eat, bathed and checked my mail, it's already close to 1am.

Strange enough, I woke up early this morning, even before the alarm went off. 7-ish or even before that. My heart was beating hard. I couldn't go back to sleep. Something's up? It's Valentine's Day??! :D

Feel a little guilty. It's the weekend before Valentine and yet, I didn't spend much time with bb today. Attended regular Sunday service, had lunch with the church's service team, then attended "Sharing" and had choir practice. By the time I finished, it's already close to 5pm. I'd like to meet with bb, but it'd be unfair to her - just coming out for a short while for dinner, as we both have to go to work tomorrow. I wish there's more time and we can spend more time together. I suppose we could do so when we retire. But sometimes I think if we spend too long together, we may end up fighting. So confusing.

Although I did some homework before attending today's Sharing, I still learnt a lot by listening to other people's thoughts of this morning's bible reading. I didn't say anything. Only shared some of my thoughts whilst walking my teacher home. She lives very near me.

Learnt a new song today - Ave Maria (4th one down the list of the link "Classical Avelsia". There was Latin and English version. The choir opted for English except me. My teacher opted for Latin so we learnt it in Latin. So, I get what I want. hee hee. I always like hymns in Latin, although I don't necessarily understand them, but the sound is usually more solemn and grand. The hymn obviously praises Mary. The music is gentle and loving, which is reflective of Mary. The music is beautiful. Imagine that hymn being sung in a church or cathedral. It's difficult to learn and to sing well. There are so many high notes and the rhythm is pretty tricky. When our conducting saw I was bringing back my looseleaf hymn book, he asked why. I said I need to re-arrange some of them and wanted to do some practice. He said I was picking them up quite well. I spent half an hour in the music room in this building tonight, just to have a quick run through the songs I learnt today, in particular, Ave Maria. :D

I found the above link when I was trying to download songs onto my ipod. I was going to post it in the service team forum, but didn't in the end. I didn't want them to think I've nothing to do, and cling on them. It's just I'm a warm person. I didn't want them to get the wrong idea.

We (my teacher, our conductor, another church-goer and I) took the tube together. My teacher told them about me, that I'll be meeting with Father soon. I'll be calling Father tomorrow to arrange for a meeting. Must concentrate and speed up on my revision. What if Father say I'm not up to it. My standard is so low??! Ai ya! Don't want to lose face - my face and my teacher's!

The pressure is surely there and is building up.

Of the several promises I made for yesterday, I didn't make any of them. I didn't go to Yoga and did not do much work. One thing I said I'd do, and I did this morning, is to go to the Church for early service. It started at 7:15am and I was late. It was cold and dark. Although the alarm clock had gone off a few times with the snooze function, I got up late. I left home about 7:15am. Knowing that I was late, I wanted to catch the readings and the teaching. By the time I got there, Father was already breaking the bread for Holy Communion. Oops. I stayed until the end. Didn't take Holy Communion. Not only am I not yet a Catholic, but also I was only there to witness the breaking of the bread and so on. I wouldn't have felt worthy for it.

The service ended at around 7:45am. A very short service. Even shorter than that offered at St. Jude. I stayed back, took out my copy of the bible and read a bit of it. Somehow I've book-marked the passage I have read yesterday and perhaps also on the day before. It's Mark . I must have read it a few times, plus the explanation available on a website. And yet, I didn't quite get what it's trying to say. So, I read that passage again. Still I was too dumb to understand those words. It's strange. There was not a word I don't of, but put together, the teaching simply escaped me. I stopped and prayed to God that I may understand what He's trying to say. I read it again, took the time to think about it, and its meaning dawned to me! Yes, just like that. I thanked God for that. Or may be I was rushing and didn't use my brain at all. Oops. :P

It's the first time I visit this Church. It has stationery with their own design and drawigns for sale Those drawings are very nice and pretty. I wanted to get the memo pad, stickers and keyrings with angels on them, but I didn't know where the stationery shop was. In any event, I guess it would have been too early, that it's probably not opened yet. I wanted to get the stickers and keyring for the little girl I recently met at Church. May be next time.

I looked around and read a few leaflets. I picked up a pocket-sized card that talks about Penance - the procedure and what would be said then. I also picked up a leaflet for donation to hospital pastoral care. The leaflet also invites people to volunteer their service for it. I wanted to go. But there's so much I need to do now. To start with, I better get more revision done and know more about God's words. Then I want to spend more time with bb and my parents and family. It's a good thing to want to help the others but I should not forget those around me too. So I'll wait to see first.

PS The idiot (my boss) has just come in and found me doing this! Oops. Better get on with some work.

Of the several promises I made for yesterday, I didn't make any of them. I didn't go to Yoga and did not do much work. One thing I said I'd do, and I did this morning, is to go to the Church for early service. It started at 7:15am and I was late. It was cold and dark. Although the alarm clock had gone off a few times with the snooze function, I got up late. I left home about 7:15am. Knowing that I was late, I wanted to catch the readings and the teaching. By the time I got there, Father was already breaking the bread for Holy Communion. Oops. I stayed until the end. Didn't take Holy Communion. Not only am I not yet a Catholic, but also I was only there to witness the breaking of the bread and so on. I wouldn't have felt worthy for it.

The service ended at around 7:45am. A very short service. Even shorter than that offered at St. Jude. I stayed back, took out my copy of the bible and read a bit of it. Somehow I've book-marked the passage I have read yesterday and perhaps also on the day before. It's Mark . I must have read it a few times, plus the explanation available on a website. And yet, I didn't quite get what it's trying to say. So, I read that passage again. Still I was too dumb to understand those words. It's strange. There was not a word I don't of, but put together, the teaching simply escaped me. I stopped and prayed to God that I may understand what He's trying to say. I read it again, took the time to think about it, and its meaning dawned to me! Yes, just like that. I thanked God for that. Or may be I was rushing and didn't use my brain at all. Oops. :P

It's the first time I visit this Church. It has stationery with their own design and drawigns for sale Those drawings are very nice and pretty. I wanted to get the memo pad, stickers and keyrings with angels on them, but I didn't know where the stationery shop was. In any event, I guess it would have been too early, that it's probably not opened yet. I wanted to get the stickers and keyring for the little girl I recently met at Church. May be next time.

I looked around and read a few leaflets. I picked up a pocket-sized card that talks about Penance - the procedure and what would be said then. I also picked up a leaflet for donation to hospital pastoral care. The leaflet also invites people to volunteer their service for it. I wanted to go. But there's so much I need to do now. To start with, I better get more revision done and know more about God's words. Then I want to spend more time with bb and my parents and family. It's a good thing to want to help the others but I should not forget those around me too. So I'll wait to see first.

PS The idiot (my boss) has just come in and found me doing this! Oops. Better get on with some work.

The answer is surfing and chatting, on the phone and with my ex-temp secretary. Yes, she's back for one day, working for a newly joined colleague. She's very nice. Honestly, I like her better than my own secretary. She works harder and is more motivated than my secretary. My secretary is smarter than the temp secretary. She knows better when to do things, what to do and how. Talking about doing the right things, at the right place, at the right time.

I did some work. Not much though. I was bored out of my mind. Not interested at the kind of work I do now. I'm just getting on with things. Not as motivated as I was before. The work just doesn't interest me anymore. A colleague next door said he wanted to move to another firm, and named a few. I already know those firms are recruiting, but I'm too senior (or senile) for them. I wish I could move on and soon.

I haven't prayed for that. I must trust the plan God put in place for me. Sometimes when I think about it, this experience has made me seen things that I didn't see before. One important thing is how I'm loved by those around me. Now on my way to work everyday, I would look up the sky, humming my favourite hymns, and grateful to all the gifts God has given me. I count myself lucky. If everything were going too well in the office, I would miss those things and take them for granted, a bit like what I was before. Sometimes I blame myself for that. That had wasted a lot of my time and have very much suppressed the human side of me such that I didn't spend as much time with my sis as I would like to. I have learnt to stop/ slow down a little and treasure all the gifts I have been given, and to spend time with my loved ones.

The link is bb's post was really cool. But I had to try and try many times before I see what I'm suppose to see! In the middle of it, I called bb and had a great laugh at myself for having a very different and weird mind! :D

Told sf today that once I am baptised, I'd be making affidavits, not affirmations. He went "Big Time!" :D

Took a sick leave today. No, I'm not ill. Just felt very drained and needed a day's rest. I struggled hard whether I should take leave or not. The physical side of me was enthusiastic as I really some rest. That would help my emotions too. But the other side of me thought it's wrong, and that I'll be lying, which is forbidden by God. Eventually, I gave in and left messages with the office saying I won't be there today. I said to myself that I'll use today to seriously read and learn more about Christianity and God's word.

The result is yes, I did some of that. And reflected upon those words. What I wanted to do but didn't do was to do some revision before my baptism.

I looked up websites of the Churches and read a bit more about them. I learnt that the Church near where I live offers masses at 7:15am on weekdays. I wanted to go, to strengthen my faith and my confidence to be a good Christian, but even now, the flesh is weak. I'm already doubting if I'd get up at that time, and if I go to the office after that, I'll be early and what do I do then, and so on. Many excuses.

I promise myself this: I'll go on the day after. I'll start some revision now before going to bed. I'm free tomorrow lunch and I'll go to CC chapel. I'll also see if I can fit in a yoga class tomorrow after work. That's my plan.

I've been asking myself the same question: Why do I go to Church now?

Of course, I am just responding to His command. That is a privilege. I have been asking myself if I do so as a copycat, copying what my sis did. She was a Catholic, so I want to be one too.

I formally started going to doctrine lessons after she has gone. I didn't want that copycat reason to be true because it would shake the flimsy foundation of faith I have, and the heat will wear off very quickly.

It has just occurred to me that I am answering to God. I mean it's something I've always wanted to do - to be one of His child - but somehow since I left convent school at about 16/17, I have put him behind me. From time to time, I was invited to go to religious groups but none of them is Catholic. They are usually Church of England, which is different.

I have recently read Five People You Meet in Heaven. I think one reason of my sister has moved on, or should I say the effect of that, is the other side of me has been awakened, or reminded, of. When my sis was seriously ill, I prayed to God on her bedside that she may be gone to Her Father in Heaven soon when her suffering will end and she will enjoy eternal peace and happiness. Of course, I also asked that she be well again, but the realistic side of me felt that may not be possible, no matter how many lies I tell to comfort myself and my family. I also asked Him to let the sufferings be on me, and not on her. I would say the usual prayers - Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father - and usually ended my prayers by saying what Jesus said to Our Father when he was praying in the garden before he was taken away and later, crucified - please take that cup of suffering from me, but let it be God's will and not mine.

My sis has moved on. I hope she's now with Our Father, enjoying eternal peace and happiness. I had also asked for His Love on members of my family, in particular, my parents. I consider the pain of your child's departure is great and I still ask God to keep an eye on them, to comfort them. As time goes by, in a way, they seem to accept my sis's departure better than me.

I have always felt that my prayers have been answered. It is my turn to repay Him, to repay His love to me - that he answered my prayers notwithstanding I was, and still am, a pagan.

Now I shall be baptised soon, this Easter or later this year. I take this very seriously. I am thrilled but on the other hand, I'm not confident that I'll ever be as good a Christian He wants me to be, but I'll try. I'll try hard. I don't know what I can contribute to the Church. I hope and pray that when He shows me what He wants me to do, I will hear and answer with all my heart and willingly accepts them. I hope I have the intelligence and diligence for them.

Deep inside, I very much hope my sis could share the joy of that important day and event with me when it comes, that she could be there and witness to all there is to happen. That, I think, would be too much to ask.

It has also occurred to me today that after I have been baptised, I'll be making affidavits, not affirmations anymore.

Couldn't sleep last night. Don't know why. I was pretty tired, having been in office over the weekend, attending the different functions and going to bed late. Yet, it was gone 2am and I couldn't sleep at all. Something was on my mind. The question is What? I don't know.

2 things happened today. One relating to work, so that's not worth noting. The other is personal. My teacher had mentioned to me before but at thoday's letter with her, she mentioned again that I should go to see Father at St. Teresa's Church on the first if not second week of March this year re baptism. I was thrilled and excited. Not so much then. As the day went on, it started to sink in when I got very thrilled and excited. It didn't sink in until then. Till then, I feel that that's for real.

I was so overjoyed that I told my secretary. She's a Christian too, although not Catholic. I tried to explain how I felt to her. I said I felt like a bride-to-be, after accepted the proposal and started planning for the big day. I said to me, being a Catholic would probably the most important step and committment in my life. It's bigger than marriage. You can get divorced after you got married, but once you are baptised, you are Catholic forever.

Came with the thrill and excitement was the pressure. I have to get revision done, so that when I meet Father, I would do well and My teacher would not lose face. :P I was bursting with joy and excitement. I had to tell others. I was very tempted to call bb, but believe she's busy. She will probably say I was too emotional. I called mum. I told her about it, and asked if that means I might be baptised in Easter. I told her I felt like a bride-to-be and that I was very excited. She said she was too. She said she could not sleep the few days before. I then told her I have already started my sleeplessness. I couldn't go to sleep last night, kept turning and tossing until late!

Had a wonderful day. Yes, I accomplished a lot. It's my long week so I went to work in the morning, although I set the alarm wrongly and only got to the office by around 9:30am. Then worked until around 1pm when I went down to get lunch. Then did more work until around 4pm when I went over to sf's chambers, installed and taught him the basics re iTunes - He just bought an iPod nano plus a B&O earphones (see earlier post). bb and I use iTunes on Mac, but sf has a PC. That was a challenge. I was meant to be straight forward. However, I was a little scared as I've nearly forgotten how to use PC. The PC in the office doesn't count because it runs on intranet and there's an in-house team who's responsible to look after them. Everything was working ok. I need to figure out one thing i.e. how to delete songs on iPod nano. With my mini iPod (which sf bought me last year), I do it on the computer through my Library and I believe the same applies to iTunes on PC, but it won't work on sf's machine. I need to figure that out for him.

After that, he bought me a hot chocolate from the usual place. Time flew quickly and I was late by almost an hour for CNY gathering with the church's service team. Oops.

That gathering went really well. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought it's well organised and by the look of it, everyone had fun! Co-incidentally, it's my teacher's birthday too and they prepared a b'day cake for her. How nice. As the Chinese says "Double happiness come to your door." :D

My teacher told me that she had mentioned me with Father Lok (lit). He's busy this month and I'll go to see him next month. I said to my teacher I better do some reading up and homework! :P

It was around 10pm when we finished and packed up. I went back to office and worked for about an hour before going home. Got so much to do! Sigh.