bb and mm took a short break at Singapore at the weekend just passed. It was fun. Very hot, but quite breezy and of course, we were smart to stay in shopping malls most of the times to enjoy the air-conditioning. : )

I'm told that the weather was awful locally whilst we were away. We were lucky.

We went to nearly all shopping malls that we could possibly get something for ourselves, but ended up getting nothing. The "Great Sale" was on, but we noticed that the stuff there were pretty old-fashioned and we haven't qutie got to that stage/age yet :P Ah yes, we bought food eg the very nice Pandan cake and mult-layer cake at the airport, and I bought 2 elephants from Jim Thompson.

We had wonderful food, from chicken rice, satay etc from hawker centres, to chilli crab at East Coast - yum yum! I was tempted to buy the chilli sauce and make chilli crab when I get back, but I stopped myself knowing that I may not get to that before the sauce expires ... ! :P

Met some of bb's mates - nice bunch.

Deadline fell on 1st day of our holiday - 7 June 2007 - Sigh.

mm had an ok busy weekend. After work on Saturday, mm went to one of the shops that sells baking ingredients, utensils, apparatus etc and City Super. Both were good. Had lunch at one of the local tea house at Wanchai close to the shop mentioned above - tasted great!

Was gonna attend a Yoga class, but mm had had pain on the upper back so she'd left it until next week.

mm had apple crumble in mind - bb no here to make for mm lah! She downloaded Delia Smith's recipe. The recipe was to serve 6 to 8 and mm intended to cut everything by half, hopefully the end result would serve 3 to 4. Sat was too tired and so mm made it yesterday evening, after having been to churches in Central and Kln (ceremony for her Goddaughters). It's pretty bad, kind of a disaster! Firstly, taking bb's advice, mm only measured one-quarter of the sugar in the recipe for the crumble but she forgot to put it - when she remembered that, the crumble was already baking in the oven! The crumble had medium sized lumps and it was difficult for mm to make them into nice little crumbles, like those bb made. mm guessed that's probably because she didn't do it quick enough - the butter was already soft, too soft to make them into nice crumbles.

The recipe suggested a bit of ground cloves. mm tried several places but couldn't get any.

There's no Bramley apples here, so mm used Granny Smith.

Then the custard. mm bought vanilla extract - which Delia recommended as an excellent substitute to vanilla pods; she said vanilla essence was no good. The recipe didn't say how much vanilla extract should be added so mm added several drops to start with. She could only smell milk and egg. She added another 1 or 2 teaspoons; didn't help much either. The custard wasn't thick enough too. You see, this time, mm did the entire measurement so no half-ing, although she used whole milk, as suppose to double cream, which Delia said should be ok. The end product was pretty runny and a bit cuddled as mm brought it to boil (!) in her desperation to get it thickened - unfortunately.

All sounded pretty disasterous, right? mm was disappointed too. Surprisingly, it tasted ok! mm guess : u can't go far wrong with baked apples! :p

mm will give another try to making apple crumble - her favourite dessert ! It was good fun too !

bb will be back tomorrow - yeah! : D

Perhaps she would give some tips to mm?

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Bruce called last week - we'll attend a seminar by a Franchisor of creative memory (or thinking or what not??! :P ) tomorrow evening (Monday). Objective is really as part of market research for a possible business, something to do with kid. will see lah.

mm had a marathon of meetings today. The day was quiet before lunch and mm was drafting her monthly article on St. Teresa for the church. Then mm's 1st client called, and they agreed to meet at 3:30pm. Then mm's 2nd client (the one that's involved in a family dispute mentioned in yesterday's post) called to confirm instructions. They agreed to meet at 6pm so that letter of engagement may be signed and cost on account may be given to the firm. mm expected the 2nd meeting to be short but it took nearly 2 hours! mm was sympathetic towards their position and they are new to litigation, and she had to explain her advice on the strategy and way forward again and answer questions again. So eventually, mm was in meetings from 3pm (the 2nd client called and they spoke on the phone) until around 8pm! mm was exhausted!

For purpose of acting for the 2nd client, mm had to report the matter to her boss (Joe). Joe raised the question as to how comfortable we are in involving in probate cases. He said he had only "touched" on contentious probate case! He was honest and mm respected that. mm reminded him of my experience in contentious probate matters and said I intended to involve counsel at early stage, and have advised client of that intention. He suggested sf - yes! mm thought, however, that her boss was easy on this one because the team has been very quiet - to the point that everyone has plenty of capacities! Oops!

bb's comment on mm's post of yesterday made her (mm) day! : D

Attending Sunday mass at the usual chapel. We (member of the service team for that chapel) talked about our CNY gathering held last night. I was responsible for one of the games, which was very well received. I was told they all loved it and they were very happy! hee hee!

Picked up KFC and had chicken/chicken wings with bb at her place. We watched some travel/food programs on the tv and after a while, I dozed on her sofa, leaning on her. zzzzz ... I had a few attempts of making red beam and coconut pudding for CNY gathering, and I therefore had a few late nights. It wouldn't set but later, I figured out what went wrong and corrected it. It was successful ! I gave half to bb, and reserved the other half for my family tonight. bb loved it. She's so nice! : )

Had dinner with my family at the usual restaurant, celebrating mum's birthday. My newphew was really something. His family came last. When he enters, he gave a bouquet to mum. It's handmade, made with clay and paper. It's really nice, and of course, his mother helped a lot as the kid only turned 3 a month or so ago. My other sister in law and I each have a small bouquet too. So sweet of him.

They tried my new pudding and thought it was quite good, although a bit sweet. bb said the same thing later. I have improved on the recipe I found for this dessert. It 's now my own recipe. I will start a notebook and write down my recipes, and hopefully, one day, they will be published ! Yes, I am interested in a career with baking/dessert, and perhaps catering but that would be quite hard I reckon. Anyway, I still have a long way to go. My colleague and a friend have been talking about this. We need to be persistent lah!

bb is back today, but I have Legion and deadline ... !

Well, I got 4 more lai see packets before the 15th of CNY - hee hee

It's been a while since I leave any trace here. Things have happened, of course, but I could not remember them all since I last wrote here without checking my diary and try to remember what happened then. The easier way is to say what happened recently, which to me, has been quite a bit.

My dad had a mild stroke and has been in hospital since beginning of November, and is still there. He's however out of town when that happened and his doctor has advised that he is not to be moved yet. My dad feels dizzy when trying to sit up and doctor said it's dangerous for him to be moved if he cannot even sit up in bed. So he cannot be transferred back here yet.

The worse news mum and us (his children) discovered his affair and apparently, he has a 10 year old son with this other lady! Considering it's my parent's Ruby anniversary (40 years) this year and my nephew will be 3 years old soon, the news is simply too hard to swallow, especially for mum. My brothers have been really good and I've just spent a long weekend away with her. I think she's better now but still, what's going to happen next? No one can tell.

Anyway, bb has been very good. I remember some time ago when I suspected my dad was having an affair, and was upset and cried, bb was always there. As always, she is there for me recently too, for which I'm grateful. We've known each other for so long, and we know each other's family pretty well that it saved me a lot of explanation and makes her understand the situation well. She's great!

It was amber rainstorm warning signal on the Tuesday evening just passed. Notwithstanding that, she kept her promise and stayed with me. I think she didn't do so to keep her promise; I think she knew I needed her and she made herself available to me. It rained so heavily and she had no umbrella that she got herself soaking wet from top to bottom, and her rucksack etc. Raining cats and dogs was an understatement. I felt I was so selfish, but I am truly grateful she came as I really needed her. I missed her a lot. We haven't had much time to ourselves recently, as the time we are available does not seem to coincide with the other's. I've been cutting back on Church duties. Hope I'll see her more often.

We'll be going away for a long weekend - yeah! The purpose of the trip is to visit my dad in the hospital so we probably would have to stay in town during our stay. Unfortunately, it's not a holiday for us, but for me, I get to spend time with bb. That itself is a blessing!

bb returns from her business trip yesterday. She called me in the office when she was waiting for her baggage by the conveying belt. So nice of her! But very soon, she sounded irritated and we didn't speak for long.

Did I say anything wrong? I guess I have. Sorry lah!

It's been a while since I post anything here. (I just checked - it's almost been a month! wow, time really flies!!) Yes, because of laziness. A number of things have happened and I wanted to post it here so that there'll be a record of them, but ...

That's the past. I'm making an effort now. Here's a summary of what has happened, insofar as I can recall and/or worth mentioning here.

1. Pilgrimage in July 2006

At the end of April 2006, Father Lok told me they were going to Israel and Rome in July 2006. I was very interested and wanted to join them immediately. Me being me, I obtained the itinery and the application form (yes, you have to apply for it; something that - at least on the face of it - money doesn't seem to be able to buy) and considered it over the long week in the beginning of May 2006. It goes without saying that I was babbling to bb.

On the following working day, I applied for 2 places - for mum and I. Yes, mum is coming too. I was hesitant as I'm not patient enough and in fact, I debated whether to ask her to join us. I blame myself for having such hesitation as afterall, she's my mum! I only have one; my sister is not with us, my brothers are busy with their respective families ...

There were two difficulties: (1) the travel agent said the tour was already full and mum and I were on waiting list (2) the dates directly clashed with my boss and Richard's leave. (1) was quickly resolved - Father Lok said no problem, although the travel agent still maintains mum and I were on waiting list. (2) was difficult. I spoke to Richard twice and you should have seen the guy's attitude. Not only was it totally non-negotiable, he was rude and bold - bearing in mind his leave had not been approved !! I even told him that if we could not reach a compromise, it's possible that neither of us would be going away. He went, "If the partner tells me he doesn't approve my leave, I'll live with it." So much for a friend ! From then on, I don't talk to him. If he comes into my office, I pretend I'm busy.

I so much wanted to join the others to pilgrimage that I was planning to resign if necessary. Yes, I was very serious about it. To say that I'm interested is an understatement. As I was saying to sf, somehow I felt an urge to go; I don't remember wanted something so badly. I prayed earnestly. I was very sad for an evening or two I was hard-pushed to have someone to talk to; someone who would understand where I was coming from. I called Sister Catherine and felt much better after having spoken to her. She said she would pray for me. In one of my emails to Father Lok keeping him up to date of my position, I asked him to pray for me too. So thick-skin!

My boss is a Christian so he could understand much better. Eventually, he approved my leave - so all 3 of us are going way at the same time. When I told Sister Catherine the good news, she was very happy for me and said after we hang up, she would go to their chapel and thank God. She's wonderful ! I don't know what to do without her.

2. Argument with Ms. Chu on 7 May 2006

I had an argument with Ms. Chu last Sunday. She returned from her pilgrimage last Saturday evening and took Sunday off, so I didn't see her that day. I excused myself from attending a talk about Mary Mother in this coming Saturday, as I have to attend an after-baptism class that runs until end of June 2006. I went back to the office in the afternoon after Sunday Church. Around 3pm, Ms. Chu called. She yelled at me and cross-examined why I'm not attending the talk. I said because I needed to attend the class at St. Teresa's Church. The timing of the two clashes directly with each other. I can only be at one place at one time. She said people put in effort to organise a talk, she told the speaker (Sister Watt) that there'll be a great turnout, whatever I'll learn at that class I can always learn it any other time (implying that she could teach me too), that all I needed to do is to speak to Father Lok and excuse myself, that I'm newly baptised ... blah blah blah. I told her I have taken all those into account when I considered the matter and I think it's more important for me to attend the class than the talk. The class is a once in a life time thing as you are only baptised once, whilst you could and would have talks about Mary Mother later. She wouldn't accept it and kept yelling and screaming at me. Eventually, I said I'd consider it. I just wanted to put down the phone. No point of arguing with her. My position is clear and I have stated it in unequivocal terms.

I was so upset - what have I done wrong??! Why was I put under such tremendous pressure? She sounded as though if the turnout is not good, that's my fault. Am I that important??! Shed a few tears because I was furious with her attitude. Prayed again, then spoke to Yolanda. I said I'm sure I'll learn something whichever event I attend. I weighted the importance and meaning of them before making the decision. And Ms. Chu sounded as though it's important for me to attend the talk on Mary Mother because she needed the number of people or she'll lose face. Sorry, how does that come into the equation??! I felt much better having talked to Yolanda. :)

A few days later, she called again and asked if I'd make a donation to some charity. I agreed at $100. As soon as I said that, there were a few seconds of silence. She must have been expecting more. Well, charity is not the kind of things you could force upon another, right? During that conversation, she said re talk on Mary Mother, she would respect my decision whatever I decide to do, although she wanted me to go to CC. I said nothing. As I said, I have already stated my position. Why repeat myself, when doing so may provoke her??

That same evening, I bumped into Yolanda. Told her re this conversation. It's good to talk to her. :)

From that incident, I'm not sure if my relationship with Ms. Chu could be as good as before. Or look at it another way, I don't want to put all resources on one person. She has all the assistance from CC members. I think if possible, I should help others who are more needy. So perhaps not just this one incident, but it may be a catalyst. I should perhaps thank this incidence as it helps me to crystalise my views and gives me a chance to put some distance between us, as I find her too attached to me. I don't like it and don't feel comfortable with it.

I don't know how she feels. Perhaps she thinks I'm not obedient and rebellious, and I have changed since my baptism, because I don't need her anymore, etc etc. Perhaps the feeling is mutual in that she too, wants to put so distance between us.

If so, that's a compromise.

3. Ms. Chu's visit to CC on Sunday

Spoke to Yolanda re this Sunday. She would take Ms. Chu to CC, although taking her back remains an issue. It's Mother's Day this Sunday and we both have plans. We agreed that she would quietly ask CC members tomorrow when she sees them at the talk. The worst scenario is that we'll put her on a taxi, as there's no slope from where she usually gets off taxi and her flat, so she should be able to cope.

We also agreed that bringing her back to her place after Sunday Church is something CC needs to address as it's looking to be long-term. The problem is occupying someone to specially take care of her every week. We all have our own families, obligations and lives. That may sound selfish, and yes, it is selfish. But we are only human. Further, if we devote all time to her, how would that be fair to our own families, our friends and ourselves??

May be we'll see how well she copes this weekend; perhaps she doesn't need extra help? Even if she does, may be we could take turns??

4. sf

During our conversation today, sf said I should not be obssessed with the Religion; that I should keep a balance. That came about when he asked for my plans this weekend, and I told him I'm going to a class at the Church tomorrow and meeting mum and my family after Sunday Church. He didn't give me a chance to respond. Weird. He also said it's "nonsense" for me to become a nun. Why such unsolicited comments/opinions and also over-reaction it seems??

I just wanted to tell him that I enjoy doing what I'm doing. Who knows? My enthusiasim may die sooner than anyone knows - me being an Aries, although I pray that this will never happen to me.

Why can't he be a bit more like bb, just a bit??! (shoe-shining lah! hee hee)

5. Legion of Mary

Since this March, Father Lok has been recommending this to me. I visited them twice at their weekly meetings and enjoyed them. I like the team spirit and politics-free atmosphere. Father Lok is leading - may be that's why.

I told them I am interested to join them. The procedure is I would then be on probation for 3 months - a chance for me to see if it suits me and if I suit them. However, since I have registered for a short course for the newly baptised (a course in which a number of senior Fathers would be speaking), and that I would be going to prilgrimage, I would only start my probation in August 2006. No hurry. If that's what God wants me to do, I'll do it, sooner or later.

I wasn't going to go on the short course, but Sister Catherine highly recommended it. So I registered it.

6. Sister Catherine

I like Sister Catherine very much and feel very comfortable to share my feelings with her. I knwo she would understand and can see where I'm coming from. The issue of my intended resignation is an example. She didn't say, "yes, do it." Her advice was objective, balanced, realistic and she has no agenda! Now, that's very important.

7. Moving Sam

I'm moving Sam to be a local solicitor tomorrow morning. It's my first time - first debut! Feel very honoured that I'm asked to do so for her. I'm thrilled and excited about tomorrow. Tonight, I'll pray that all goes well, that I won't make a fool of myself and at the same time, embarrass Sam.

In my previous entries, I mentioned that Father Lok had asked me to write an article for the local Catholic newspaper, which was inviting sharing from the to-be-baptised. I did and Father Lok edited it for me. It was then published - not once but twice! Yes, twice! I wort of knew about the first one - I wasn't sure if the Editor of the newspaper would publish mine, although Father Lok used to be the Chief Editor of that newspaper. I don't want it to be a matter of "giving face" to him. I take pride in my work. If the current Chief Editor didn't want to publish it, for whatever reasons, I was relaxed about it.

On Good Friday this year (14 April 2006), I went to mum's local church to attend mass. The then current issue of the Catholic newspaper was available and somehow, I was motivated to get one (I am not a regular to that newspaper). Soon after I started reading it, I found an article whose author shares the same name as mine. When I read the first few sentences, I thought that was familar and I realised it's my article - again! The title the Editor gave to the article is different to the other they published and they also edited the last sentence of it. But it's the second time they published it! I am thrilled and feel very privileged! It's probably part of God's plan - He knows I needed further encouragement and confidence for my baptism on the following day, 15 April 2006. Praise to God!

I told bb and on 15 April 2006 night, after my baptism at St. Teresa's Church, she bought several copies of it. She took one for herself and did a draft translation for it and asked me to finalise it. She suggested and I agreed that I should get it translated and post it here. But because of the various preparation, and that I needed to take care of my teacher, I haven't got round doing so. But very nice and considerate and thoughtful bb had already done it. God bless her!

Here it is - to share with you.

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I attended Catholic schools since I was young, which means I have heard of and am fairly familiar with the bible stories and God's teachings since I was young. I have yet to be baptised; partly because I didn't know I could make such request, partly because I consider it more important that one truly and sincerely believes in Christ, that one believes with all his heart and soul; baptism was a mere formality. I live my life with as much adherance to God's teachings as possible, whilst admittedly, my understanding of God's Words is limited. I wanted to show that I am a Christian, a Jesus' follower, by my faith, by my actions and how I live my life, and not by the Certificate of Baptism that the Church issues to those who are formally baptised. During this time, many asked if I believed in God, and I answered "I do" with no hesitation. The thing is, if I do, why am I not a Catholic/Christian? I don't know how to answer!

About two years ago at a turning point in my life, I took stock of my relationship with God. I was struck with the need to properly acknowledge God's love for and graces to me. I started taking catechumen lessons. I guess many people start to know Him from attending those lessons, whereas I had already decided to follow Jesus when I started those lessons.

In early February this year at a social gathering, I learnt that I might be baptised this year. In mid-February, I met Father Lok of St. Teresa's Church. Not only did he allow me to be baptised this year, he offered to be my tutor for my distance learning course! I am so lucky! It has always been my wish to be God's child. Although I had missed/ignored the many opportunities He had given me in the past, yet He still welcomes me to His family! He saw to my need and had already made all the arrangements for me even before I prayed and asked for them!

It is hard to describe how I felt at the time. To draw an analogy, it felt like getting engaged or married to the person you love, whom you have dated for a long time and knew that he was "The One." The ecstasy of the engagement was mixed with a little trepidation too. I went through a period of introspection. Would my enthusiasm for God fade away after the glitter fades? Will I become yet another lapsed Catholic thus somewhat bring embarrassment to Him and to the Church? Can I be a good Christian/follower? I don't want to embarrass the Church because of my immaturity; that I have rushed things without thinking it through.

Becoming a member of the Catholic family is both formal and solemn. It is a life-long promise to God; it is a vow to Him. Some of my friends thought it was no big deal; but I am privileged to have the support and encouragement from Father Lok, my teachers who taught me catechumen, my family, my godfather and friends.

The preparation for baptism was demanding. If one were to do a proper job, one would have to sacrifice a lot of his personal time and activities. Take for example, I was unable to attend a gathering today as the first pre-baptism ceremony was going to be held. Some friends asked, "why is it so difficult to become a Catholic? Don't you only need to "believe"?" How can I explain this to the non-Catholics? Simply put is that this pre-baptism ceremony could bring me closer to God. Notwithstanding the various pressures, I find joy in all these meetings and preparation.

It is now about a month till Easter. Most of the butterflies in my stomach had been settled and I have diligently made all preparations for my baptism. The remaining question is if I could sustain my passion and my love for God and for the Church. I don't have an answer to this question. I could, and would, only do my best to fulfil my Christian duties; pray more and harder, and ask for God's help that by the graces I would receive through my baptism, that my love and passion for Him and His Church would grow stronger, and stronger. And I would also ask God to give me confidence and courage that I would need to spread the Good News and joy to everyone around me.

I look forward to Easter to arrive, when through baptism, I shall appear with a whole new identity.

- 4 March 2006

Didn't sleep much last night. After I unpacked some of the stuff from the suitcase and showered, it's already past midnight. Watched a bit of TV. I think I went to sleep at around 2am, but then I was waken up by my skin allergy - my limbs felt so itchy! I already put medicated ointment on them straight after I showered, so it subsided at the time, but it came back! So I got up and put a fresh layer on them and slept for a few more hours before getting up for Sunday Church. That was difficult and I felt sooooooo tired! If it was any regular service, I might have skipped that service and attend another, but we have bible sharing and choir practice for broadcast on 23 April 2006, so.

After the service, we (other church members and I) went for dim sum lunch, as usual. After bible sharing and choir practice, it's already 5pm. Two other members and I saw my teacher and another member (who's taking her home) to a taxi and we took the tube. Then I met up with bb at the foot massage place. We didn't speak much. We were both tired. But it's nice to have her around.

Then I went to have dinner at my elder brother's place with his family and mum. Then went home. Went to sleep soon after midnight and having surfed a little. Slept better that night.

We went to Seoul for 4 days, between 4 and 9 April 2006. That covers both our birthdays and yes, that's our birthday trip!

We left here by a midnight flight on 5 April 2006, and got there by around 5am. Took the airport bus and got to Seoul by around 7am. It stopped right in front of the hotel (Sejong Hotel). Great! We were lucky and was able to check in and go to our room straight away without needing to pay extra!

We both thought the location of our hotel was great. It's at the back of Myung Dong and we could take a stroll after dinner. And we did.

1st day

We slept a bit on the plane and a bit more after we got to our room, since we thought the shops wouldn't be opened so early anyway. We started at around 10/11am, had lunch (bb took me to a nice place where they serve only 3 things - ginseng chicken, roast chicken and roast chicken set, I think) and looked around the area and also covered Namdaemum market. We had the famous barbecue for dinner. It was a eat-all-you-can dinner and we had the famous beef rib, beef and pork belly. Yum!

2nd day

Went to the famous Catholic church. When we got there, a wedding ceremony was taking place. All lights were lit. It's beautiful!

Then we took the City Tour bus. We did some investigation on the 1st day. It offers 3 routes - the Palace route (obviously it goes round all palaces), Downtown route (this covers the major tourists shopping areas and palaces) and a Night tour. We were going to go for Downtown route followed by the Night City route, but in the end, we only did the Downtown route. Sight-seeing a bit on the tour bus and went to Insa-dong where we had a wonderful brunch at a family-style restaurant. It's in a traditional Korean house so we got to experience eating in an Ondol - great and so was the food! We went to Changdeokgung Palace and joined the 3pm tour (you have to join a tour as that's the only way you can go in). That was nice too and we took some photos.

Then we took the City Tour bus and went to Itaewon. We didn't like it that much; there wasn't much to see and we stayed for about 30 minutes and took the next City Tour bus and went back to Myong Dong. We ate at a local fast food shop and I had my favourite bean curd soup set, while bb had beef in clear soup - Yum!

Poor bb's feet were hurting and mm gave her a short back massage when we returned to the hotel at the end of the day.

3rd day

We started with Namsan Traditional Korean Villege. There's a park adjacent to it and we walked around there too. We both thought it was good and enjoyed it immensely. It's fascinating to see the traditional Korean house.

Then we went to Insa-dong again - we both like it there! Got a few more things. Also covered Dongdaemum market - That's ok too. We dropped the shoppings at our hotel first before heading for another nice dinner - raw beef and "magic hot pot." After dinner, we walked around and tried the famous Korean Sauna. We both thought it was rather nice. :)

4th day

As we were leaving at around 4/5pm, we stayed around the area - Myung Dong/Namdaemum market. We had afternoon tea at a lovely teahouse we came across on the first day but we were too full then. It's famous for its green tea and we had a different one to try. It's very nice!

By around mid-day, we were both a bit bored as we have seen everything we wanted to see by then. In fact, we must have walked around the area 3/4 times! We decided to go to the airport earlier as we were pushed for something to do to kill the time.

We had early dinner at the airport. I had ginseng chicken again while bb had beef soup. Yum! The quality was even better than those we had in the last few days, and the price we thought were very reasonable!

We took the afternoon flight back and by the time we got home, it's already close to midnight.

A.O.B.

We had lots of snacks offered on the street. Yum! I reckoned I have put on a few pounds after this trip!

We also travelled by the local tube. It's quite convenient and easy to use. I found the local people very friendly. We agreed that they are probably somewhere between the Japanese and the Chinese i.e. not too pretentious and rather polite. We both like it there and thought it's a good short break. We'll probably go back again in future.

While we were there, we considered going to Lotte World and as it would take up a whole day, we thought we'll do that next time.

You can ski in Korea in the winter too ...

Yes, it's my birthday today and I think it's worth recording what I did today, so many years after, I can read back to myself. :)

My first date - Made an effort to attend the morning service at 7:15am at the local church. well, I was a bit late and by the time I got there, Father was preaching on that day's Gospel. The service finished at around 7:45am. I felt good after that.

Then went to Park n' Shop to get a few groceries. Got home and had some of the remaining dishes in my fridge. You see I'm flying tonight (midnight, 5 April 2006) and have to kill all parishable food in my fridge before then. Surfed a while, listened to Father Lok's preaching from the net, watched a bit of TV, then left to attend my second date - meeting Sister Catherine at St. Clare's.

Got there at around 11:30am. Mum was there already. She showed us around the newly decorated school. Wow, it's fantastic! We went to have dim sum lunch at Mum's favourite restaurant then we parted. I went to Catholic Centre to get a birthday card for Father Lok - It's his birthday on 6 April, 2 days after mine! :)

Then went home and wrote the card. It took me a bit of time to think about what to say in it plus a bit of time to draft it. After that was done, I started packing. didn't take me long. Soon after that, bb called and went through her checklist with me - smack!

Finished the rest of the food in the fridge, took a shower, changed and I was on my way to the airport!

During the day, I got several calls and various sms from my friends. One of those sms was from a friend at Sunday church. Nothing from sf, notwithstanding we met briefly this afternoon so that I could return a DVD to him. I don't think he has forgotten about it, but he has remembered it wrongly!

Sister Catherine came to attend the mass at our chapel this morning. It's very nice to see her again! Didn't speak much with her - she came around 9:15am, then she prayed. Soon after that, I had choir practice until beginning of the mass. Obviously, no talking then. After the mass, the conductor for our choir saw her and spoke to her. I only spoke to her after that. That was brief and I saw her to the taxi. Although I didn't give her a copy of the newspaper with my article published, I told her about it and she said she should have a copy of it at home.

Had a fairly long discussion with other members re my teacher's plan to go to work in April. She walks fairly well, but she doesn't manage steps and slopes well. She doesn't have much confidence in them. Ideally, the part-time helper could take her to the MTR station too after her work at my teacher's place. I had a discussion with my teacher after I brought her home. I suggested may be she could work part-time, at least to start with, thus get more exercise and get the strength back. She works long hours at the chapel and involves a lot of hard work. She agreed without much resistance! I'm grateful to God! I prayed and prayed in the last few days, and God has again answered my prayer! Thanks be to God!

Re the "bell for peace of mind", she's a little resistant to it, even when I've asked for it as my baptism gift! She's concerned about the cost. I made enquiry this evening (yes, they are open - 24/7). It's about GBP 8 per month if we were going to rent one, or GBP 5 per month if we were to purchase a new one for her at around GBP 180. I'm thinking of absorbing the cost myself, probably go for rental. Is a burden to me, particularly psychologically, but pecuniary-wise, it's not that much. What does bb think?

I was moody today. Could be because it's pre-deadline. I think because I feel unjust - that I'm doing a lot of my teacher and whilst a few others are also doing so, they don't take any initiative! It's such a big cultural difference! Not just in terms of different countries, but also I think different work environment. In the industry I'm working at, you are trained to be proactive. It may also be because my teacher criticised me unjustly yesterday or on the day before. Further, I'm frustrated at not having enough private time, that too much has been given to her. I know she needs me now, and that I should not feel that way. She kept saying she wants to be independent and she's working very hard on it. Sometimes, I think whether I'm doing all these as part of repentance for the blunders I've made against Him in the past and perhaps still doing. I asked for His forgiveness again and again, but I'm still making the same mistake. But I feel better now. Let's put it behind me.

We should "love each other as we love ourselves." I've been adequately provided for and was given the gift of bb. I should be more generous to the needy. :)

I have also prayed hard that I be rescued from where I work. I'll keep at it.

wore black today, but with the pashmina bb brought me from India recently. That makes it very outstanding and became the focus of my style and what I was wearing today.

The weather today was bad - grey and drizzled from time to time. When I was walking to the tube station this morning, I congratulated myself for being happy. The pashmina felt soft and very warm, and I believe I have a wonderful smile on my face.

I'm grateful for what God has given me. I kept thinking of Him and thanked Him profusely while walking to the tube station. I'll thank him properly tonight - for this and for sending me to Fr. Lok, and through him, for all the encouragement He has given me.

I feel showered with love. :)

Attended Sunday church and had a discussion with those members. We agreed to have a schedule to visit my teacher.

Then went to St. Francis of Assisi for the second pre-baptism ceremony. It's about 2 to 3 times bigger than St. Teresa's and it's very nice. Because it's so big, when everyone sang the hymns, it sounded beautiful !

It's purely a ceremony as suppose to a mass as there was no breaking of bread (of course, most of us are not Catholics yet). In the middle of the ceremony, I cried. I don't know why, the tears just came. I was touched; moved. For what? I don't know. I was sitting between mum and my Godfather. Mum noticed it a bit later but didn't say anything. Don't know about my Godfather.

The Catholics-to-be from different church then had a photo taken with Bishop Zen. Godfather left before then as he has another engagement.

Mum and I then went to my family's favourite restaurant for dinner, celebrating for my birthday in advance. Yes, it's about 2/3 weeks in advance - we are all busy people. bb and sister catherine came too - What privilege!

Sister gave me a birthday card and present. It's a book relating to Mary Mother and the card has wonderful words on it. Sister is so nice. Bless her!

Someone from St. Teresa's Church called in the afternoon. She said Father Lok liked the essay I wrote about how I come to follow Jesus and that they intended to post it on the church's website. She asked for a soft copy of the essay so that she doesn't have to re-type it again - it's three pages long! I sent it to her.

Told bb about it. She wasn't so comfortable as the essay is quite personal. Slow as I always am, I didn't think about it when I was asked. I guess I just thought if it helps to spread the good news even in the most remote way, that'll be ok. I have since read the essays by the others that have already been posted on that website. No name was mentioned. I said to bb in that case, only those know me would know the essay is from me (and I think that person would be bb, Father Lok plus the lady who called).

Sorry bb, for being slow. I'm however grateful and enjoying the protection and care from bb.

I'm so spoilt :)

I have been doing homeworks in preparation of my baptism this Easter. For each piece of homework, I have to read some text and answer a few "fill in the blanks" questions and a short question. One of those homeworks talks about the Sacrament of Marriage. The "fill in the blanks" questions are no problem - you will find the answers in the text so the objective is to make sure you have read and understood them.

The short question is this: "True love is the foundation of marriage. What is true love?" I quoted the answers from the text. I also quoted two passages from the bible - and I got those quotes from a recently-held wedding ceremony that I attended. I also quoted from the encyclical from Pope Benedict XVI entitled "God is Love", summarised and paraphrased in the recent issue of the Catholic weekly newspaper. I agree with everything that is said about true love in those documents. I handed in my homework and Father Lok said it looks ok.

That's all academic.

Recently, I have this experience: I have been busy with the church's activities and with all preparations and ceremonies before my baptism. That means I have very little time for bb. She didn't complain at all but rather, she is extremely understanding and supportive. Once, she even took the trouble to take me to St. Teresa's Church by bus to make sure I know the way, and she left whilst I attended the first pre-baptism ceremony. I didn't see her again that evening as I had dinner with my parents and Godfather who also attended the ceremony. She also said she would attend the baptism ceremony in April 2006.

My head has been spinning since I know I would be baptised this April. It has gone a little worse this week while I am searching for God's plan for me. When I was young, I wanted to join a convent. The idea came back recently, although (as I said in my earliest post), I am afraid that I would be the Maria in The Sound of Music and cause trouble to whichever convent that accepts me. From then onwards, as my younger brother would say, there would be "a serious of unfortunate events!"

I know how much bb wants us to be together. Yet bb has suggested we should stay as very close friends to avoid getting in the way to God's plan for me. There was no queue. The suggestion originated from her. As the suggestion sinks in, I got more shocked and have mixed feelings about it. It is something that I have not thought of. What shocks me most is bb's love - so thoughful, considerate, unselfish, sacrificial, caring and putting her priority to the last. As I said, I don't know what I have done to deserve that. In fact, I don't think I deserve that.

One thing is clear: bb has put "true love" into practice. Something I have a long way to learn.

Got up early. Put on the new clothes bb bought me from India - a t-shirt and a pashimina - not too thick, just right for today:) - then went to collect my teacher from home with that other yound lady. When I got there, my teacher was having breakfast - she has diabetics and forgot to have her pills today, and when she remembered, she had to have breakfast.

We took a taxi together and got to CC at around 9:15am.

After mass and rosary prayer, I meant to take my teacher home then return to CC for bible sharing. But my teacher had to give orders to others - who does what - and remind this and other persons, we didn't leave CC until 12:30pm. When we got to her place, I had to check her fridge to see what groceries she needs. I even cooked soup for her - potatos, tomatoes and pork. Of course, then she has to make sure the soup doesn't get burnt. Then I took an express bus and got back to CC by around 2pm. The others have lunch, like any other days before bible sharing. They had dim sum. I was hoping someone would ask if I need anything then they would get a doggy bag for me. None, sadly. When I called one of the members just after I left my teacher's flat, that member asked if she could get me something to eat. I thought, "Ah, so someone does care." So I asked where they are. She said they already finished. Then I thought no point. And I said I'll get a cake at a bakery close by. I also bought a bottle of drinks. That's my lunch.

Bible sharing was followed by choir practice. That ended around 4pm. Then I attended "an interview" for CC's monthly newsletter. I did it ever so reluctantly. I don't want any publicity. In the end, what happened was we (the interviewers and I) chatted. Some questions I decline to answer. A lot of them was about my family. I just told them how many siblings I have. I was afraid they would dig deeper. I know it's a fact and I don't want to lie, but I really do not know if I could bring myself to talk about my family's loss. Neither do I want to tell them I had a sad and somewhat withdrawn childhood. bb knows all these.

We finished at aroun 6pm. I went to my parents' place. Unfortunately, I mixed up their flight time with their arrival time, so I was too early. Since I have such a headache, I bought a few Korean DVDs for CC in London and went home.

I think I'm simply tired. I feel very tired. The young lady who went to CC with my teacher and I this morning had her eyes closed from time to time during our practice choir. And I had to attend a further "interview."

I've been thinking what bb says in her other post. What are we in the eyes of God? Today it seems that I'm doing all these good deeds trying to compensate for something that may displease our God, but which I'm helpless to change and may even want it to last as long as it can.

Last night, bb said she would support mm to be a sister. mm is touched. At this stage, mm is still searching for God's plan for her.

Left work around 6-ish. Called my teacher to see if she needed any grocery. Got them and got to her flat at around 7pm. Another Father and her other friends from Dominican visited her. Father blessed her flat and her. They chatted whilst I stayed quiet. They got on very well. They jokes and laughed too. The atmostphere was good.

Then I cooked dinner for both of us and prepared food for her for tomorrow. In terms of ingredients, she only has salt. She has sugar too but as she's a little diabetic, I didn't dare to put too much in. Cooked mince pork and pumpkin with rice. We both thought it was a bit too salty. She uses a different type of salt. I'll try again next time.

Then she called one of the members of Sunday church to come to her flat. That lady is studying a technical college. My teacher told me before that she's not happy because her father and brother would beat her if they are unhappy. Her mum doesn't trust her either, even where there's a witness supporting her story. It's sad to hear that. I'm a lucky girl. Although I was unhappy and pretty withdrawn when I was young, I have been well looked after and well rewarded by our Father in heaven. Those experience sometimes still haunts me and they made me sad and feeling unwanted. When they do, I would try to focus on what I have now and those experience were there to make me feel for others. They got me prepared for what I could do now - that I could understand a bit more about people's unfortunate experience and comfort them the best I could. They have also made me more considerate.

Recently, people say I'm optimistic. Like one of the secretaries in office, she said once a very sad person see me, they will be happy; they would see me as the source of happiness. My teacher recently called me "Laughing lady !" When I see her sick, I try to make her laugh to ease hoping to ease some of her loneiness and sadness (for being sick). I think people see me always wearing a smiling face. Many a time I feel very sad, and yet I don't know why, when I meet them, I would smile. May be I was trying to enjoy the time, or may be I want to forget the unhappy event for a moment, or simply just want to hide my true feelings inside as I don't want people to worry about me. Only bb sees my unhappiness. She always hears me whining. :P

My teacher wanted to attend Sunday morning's mass. She said she wanted to do so and also she misses us. We agreed that the young lady mentioned above and I will go to pick her up at around 8am on Sunday morning and we'll go by taxi. We should be there by 9am and mass starts at 9:30am. My teacher is of old age and sometimes, I fear of the days available so I try to make time for her request. But that means sacrificing bbmm time and my own time. For example, we (my teacher, that young lady and I) chatted until late last night. By the time I got home, it's nearly 12 midnight.

This could otherwise be a bbmm evening (bb just got back from India).

Visited my teacher at Queen Mary hospital yesterday and today. Went with a Church friend yesterday and by myself today. Then I bumped into two other Church friends. My teacher has been telling us who and who has been. She said it so proudly and with a very nice smile on her face. I told you, she's well loved.

She'll be discharged from hospital tomorrow. Didn't manage to visit her on Tuesday as I had to wait for the stupid partner to come back and settle the draft letters which really only took him 5 minutes. And for that 5 minutes, I had to wait from around 6pm to after 9:30pm. Oh dear!

My teacher is well, generally cheerful, probably because she feels the love around her. I'm happy to see her all times. Like today, I worked hard to finish everything early and got lucky because I managed to catch that stupid partner before he went to attend a meeting at 5:45pm. I left by around 6:30pm, got to my teacher by around 7pm and stayed until around 8:45pm 9pm-ish. I could have stayed a little longer but well, guess the others and she too has to rest. Can't be so selfish lah. Putting self happiness onto others pain :P

My teacher said Father Russell went home today. Hope he'll be well soon. He's probably not going to attend the mass on Sunday. So, I may meet another Father.

My teacher wants to attend the Church on Sunday. She needs someone to go with her. I asked what time she leaves home. She said around 8am/8:15am. I said if her condition is ok, I'll try to take her. I said I'll give her a call on Saturday. Hope bb doesn't mind.

My stupid boss would be away next week. May be I could see if I can stay with bb during the week as consolation?

Now that all letter and article have been done. Should get back to my homework now. I have an idea what to write for the next one. The one after that would be marriage and the question for thought is "Marriage is based on true love. What is "true love"?" Oh lah lah!

Travelled on MTR with our conductor. Had a good chat with him. Quite enjoyed that. I was saying to the Church friend yesterday - It's kind of funny. I know the Church friends, but only say "hello," "bye" and "peace be with you." Ah yes, had dinner with this Church friend last night. bb, she's the one with the name beginning with the alphabet "y".

My parents are now in Bangkok. They bought a package. It's the first time they went on their own not joining a tour, except when they go to the "old village." I'm pretty worried. Guess what? mum sent me a sms after they arrived! Impressive, isn't it?!!

I'm tired and have a headache, but I'm happy and my heart is full of love. :)

What's bb doing now??

Met with a Bedford High girl for lunch today. Told her that I wanted to become a sister when I was young. I've been considering that for the last day or two since I read bb's post re God's plan for me. Two issues: I think my family needs me, and if I do, I wouldn't be surprised if I were a bit like Maria in The Sound of Music - troublemaker but then the sisters adore her because she's adorable - ha ha ha!!!

This Bedford High girl is going to Kenya this August. We have been already, haven't we, bb?

I did this test too. Result as follows.

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You chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO.

"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
* Share fun times with me.
* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
* Let me know that I am important and special to you.
* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
* Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
* Reassure me often that you love me.
* Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

* being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
* knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
* being generous, caring, and warm
* being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
* being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

* not being able to say no
* having low self-esteem
* feeling drained from overdoing for others
* not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
* criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
* being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
* working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

* are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
* try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
* are outwardly compliant
* are popular or try to be popular with other children
* act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
* are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

* are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
* are often playful with their children
* wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
* can become fiercely protective

It's been some time since bb write any post. I don't see her often these day, mainly it's because I'm busy with the duties/activities in Church. It's my fault not spending enough time with her. I wonder what's on her mind, what has she been doing, is she happy?

I had a busy weekend. Met with an old A-level schoolmate for dinner on Friday, went to work on Sat morning, then went massage with bb, followed by din din. We had steamed fish, veg and a seafood (don't know what it's called). The fish was not as good as I expected. As always, it's the company that counts. :)

Today, went to the usual Sunday service after which my teacher told other members of the service team that I'm getting baptised this Easter. Chatted a little while with the conductor and a few other members. One of them was going to be a Godmother for her friend, but at another church. I moaned and joked about having quite a lot of homework to do, and asked if anyone would be interested in doing it for me. I was naughty. hee hee. My teacher was serious. She said if I have any difficulty in those homework, we can always discuss them at our lessons. Oops. I didn't mean to worry her. It's true that I feel pressure with those work though.

The conductor lent me a CD which also has the version of Ave Maria we learnt last week. I listened to it plus other Chants Sacres. They are beautiful. I've downloaded all of them onto my library, then my ipod. I can listen to it while travelling. :)

Then Mum joined me to attend a talk at St. Teresa's Church. She was away but came back specifically to join me for that talk, to keep me company. How very nice of her! We were both tired. She dosed off soon after the talk started. I persisted for the first hour. Just when I thought there was a break, Father To continued with the talk. I really was fighting against my sleepyness for the last half hour or so. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I introduced Father Lok to mum.

My teacher asked other members to attend, if they can. As expected, the room was silent. What I didn't expect is that there was no congratulations from other people. It didn't cost them anything. Or may be they see it as nothing new. I understand that. I would only say that they take these matters for granted, sadly. I consider a gift of God. I still remember vividly that on my way to meet Father for the first time, I took the tube then a cab and in that cab, I prayed to God to welcome me to His family. My prayer has again been answered favourably. Lucky!

I notice that I'm becoming more and more human each day. I'm not as dedicated to my work as I was before. I want my time to count for something. May be I'm just not so interested in what I'm doing. Since I know I'll join the big Family this year, I've been thinking how much I want my sis to be there. Only if.

Met with an o-level schoolmate tonight, who just returned from US. It's the first time I met her son. So tall - wow. Time really flies. I haven't seen her for a good few years. She's now 5/6 months pregnant - another boy. :D

Called my teacher early in the morning to report on yesterday's interview with Father. She was happy for me and has kindly agreed to get the "distance learning" materials for me. I'm spoilt. :)

Had dim sum lunch with my parents and elder brother. He and his family has just returned from holiday in Europe. I was thrilled to see them, and was eager to spread the good news to them. Dad said I looked very happy. Yes, I was, and still am. :D

Dropped an email to the conductor to share the good news. Why him? Because my teacher has told him about it. If my skin is thick enough, I would have posted this good news on the service team's website and share the joy with others. I bumped into another member of service team. I was so happy that I hugged her and told her the good news.

Called sis (my ex-teacher) and told her the good news. She was very happy for me.

I also called my ex-secretary and shared the good news with her. She has agreed to be my Godmother if I couldn't get someone else.

bb of course couldn't escape the fate of listening to all my babbles. hee hee.

This is a very special Valentine's Day to me - that I would have the love of God. Something I believe will change me.

bb and I went out for dinner. We had a Japanese restaurant in mind but when we got there, it was packed and there was a queue waiting outside it. We went to a local tea house that serves portugese food. Food was nice. I enjoyed it. It's not expensive, but it's not the cost that counts. It's the company that matters.

Because it's Valentine's Day, even sf called me. We wished each other a Happy Valentine's Day.

I feel very special and privileged today. Feel so much love around me. I'm a lucky girl. :)

Because my brain was stuffed with so much love, I couldn't concentrate and didn't do any work today. Oops. Will try to get in earlier tomorrow to deal with them. The idiot boss bought each of us a box of heart-shaped chocolate from Cova and a small card, wishing us a Happy Valentine's Day. What's wrong with him??!

We have a social committee in this firm. It organises social events for fee earners on a quarterly basis and the firm subsidise those event. Got an email from them in which we are to state our preferences. Here are the new stuff that I find very interesting:

Virtual Car Racing
A day on the Spirit of Outward Bound (training onboard a 67ft yacht)

None of these are cheap lah, but I think they would be quite fun. :)

I'm also interested in Bowling. Movie night sounds alright too.

May be bb would like to try some of these too? May be as her b'day present this year?

Got up early and attended Sunday church. When my teacher asked me to go, I thought it'd be rather difficult as it means getting up early - the service starts at 9:30am and I need to be there by 9am for choir practice.

I started around Nov 2005. It's been a few months. It's not so painful. It's pretty addictive. It's becoming like a habit. I feel like I'm a parasite growing and feeding on it. I feel more relaxed, confident, calmer and happier when I'm there and afterwards. The effect wears off as the days go by and I try to hang on to it by singing hymns I like. Sometimes, I'd look forward to Sunday so that I can take my dose. I find it a very good cure for the unhappyness I experience, mainly in the office. I hope I have the faith and privilege to continue needing this cure and be able to feed on it.

Next Sunday, we'll have bible sharing after Sunday service plus choir practice. On the one hand, I look forward to it (I've attended the one held in January 2006 and enjoyed it). On the other hand, I feel guilty for not spending the time with bb.

After service today, went back to office and worked a bit more. Discussed what needs to be done with colleague and trainee. Left around 3:30pm for massage. I had foot massage while bb had body massage. She had back complaint. Hope she's feeling better now.

We were going to have hot pot, at a restaurant where my parents live. bb agreed to ask my parents to join so I called mum. Mum made a call to the restaurant trying to make a reservation but was told that the food was not fresh. Dinner would be ok. When we were there, we agreed that the restaurant lied. It wanted to make more money and therefore told us that the hot pot stuff were no good. You see, hot pot was asking for a fixed price and eat-all-you-can, whereas dinner is a la carte. Wicked. bb really wanted to have hot pot. I promised to take her somewhere we had been before and we both enjoyed. :)

The idiot is back. Gave me a liasee - $100. You might say no surprise, but that's already an improvement from him. What did we get last year - $20? $50?

met up with sf. First time we said we'll meet in advance and we did. I haven't seen him for quite some time. It's very good to see him again. We had our usual hot chocolate, and chatted. I gave him his ipod nano, and showed him what to do to charge up the machine. We agreed that I'll go to his chamber to fix it for him and teach him this Saturday afternoon. Fingers-cross for mm. May be mm can call bb if she needs help?? I know, that's cheating ! :P

sf even bought B&O earphones, cost $880. He said they are much cheaper than in New York. He said he tried them when he was there and they sounded very good. Still. $880, about 50% of the cost of the ipod nano itself.

It's only been 2 days since holiday, and since bb has been here, but it seems long and I already miss bb. Tomorrow.

We have already touched on plan for next weekend; as pre-14th February because it falls on a weekday this year. :)

bb came over last night. We got up "early" (around 10/11am?) and started off early. Went to the local covent garden. Walked around once, decided what we wanted, and when we got back to get them, the street was packed already! It was only around 4pn. Wow! But we got what we wanted :)

Got bb's pre-ordered bedding packs and got home to leave the shopping and took a rest before we went off again. bb was meeting her friends who she hasn't seen for a long time, one came back from Singapore. me? I attended dinner with my family. Haven't seen Dad for a long time and he's back tonight. I was soooooo happy to see him. Dinner went well, although my elder brother and his family were away on holiday. Mum brought a bottle of red wine and we finished it, no problem !

It was around 10pm when we finished dinner. Wanted to go to CNY fair. Although I wanted to go with bb, but didn't want to push her as bb didn't like crowds, and that kind of fair is usually packed like sardine. We agreed that I'll give her a call when I've finished. So I did. bb was having dessert with her friends. So my younger brother, his wife and I took a stroll. We walked from Central to Wanchai/Cuaseway Bay. They went to join their friends for karaoke - $300 per head ! I strolled to a department store and bought a lip gloss that my sister in law and I were talking about during dinner. I bought a different colour. More bright red as I have darker lips and I'd be wearing it without make-up.

Whilst I was about to go into the fair, bb called. Then she took a cab. We met up and went together ! I was thrilled. I know it's a lot of effort from bb. Oh, bb is so nice.

Didn't get anything but it was nice. We had fun commenting on the silly but pretty creative/ innovative toys people came up with. And because it's so sardined, bb hugged me all the way. :)

It was getting late, or very late, and we decided not to do the whole fair. By the time we showered and got to bed, it was after 3am already. I've got to get up early tomorrow - Church service would be broadcasted tomorrow and we need to be there by 8:45am for practice. Oops.

NB This entry was written on 31 Jan 2006 but was back-dated

I feel happier today and more at ease at work. Could it be because bb came over last night?

Met up with two friends I met only last year. The girl and I used to be colleagues - she worked in the Commercial Department - and we worked on the same transaction. We become very good friends. Then I came to know her bf. He's spanish. Very nice guy, obviously very much in love with my ex-colleague. You can tell by the way they interact. You should see how he dotes on her.

And because of that, and because I too am a very nice and adorable person (!), he is very nice to me too. We three met up for lunch today and we talked about using Mac. They chased me for photos and clips of NZ. I said I didn't know how. He talked me through it and when he got back to office, he sent me this email:

"Seeing as you already have iLife 05 (which is iPhoto, iDVD and Garageband) on your laptop I thought I would mention iLife 06 to you at lunch since its only 790 HKD and gives you some cool new features. You can buy it online from the Apple store at www.apple.com (remember to change your location to "Hong Kong").

Here's some iDVD tutorials!
http://www.apple.com/ilife/tutorials/idvd/id2-4.html"

Although I am stuck here, I'm comforted by those around me. May be this is how I will learn and treasure those around me.

bb got her evaluation yesterday and she sent it to me. I read it - she got very high marks, and got marks higher than her peers! She got particularly high marks for intellectual abilities!

mm is very proud of her! :)

I've sent the dolphins photos available on this site to a few of my friends: little gordon, uncle leather, sam and raf, and sf. The response are all complimentary. 3 if not all 4 of those photos were taken by bb.

sf said, "The photos are fabulous. Awesome!!!! Wowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!"

I'm very happy and very proud ! :D

I've called mum. Hopefully I can have din din with her. It's been a while since we have din din together and since I see her !

PS yeah, deadline today.

My friend Emily is going to NZ in Jan 2006 and asked for my advice on itinerary, motels, and so on. She only had a week, flying from Sydney. She wanted more to do with nature, rather than shopping. I recommended the south island and I gave her a summary of where we went and stayed in south island. Here is the email I sent her today. It's repeated here because it serves as a good summary.

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The costal scenic route in south island I had in mind is this: http://www.newzealand.com/travel/destinations/themed-highways/southern-scenic-route/southern-scenic-route_home.cfm We really wanted to go, but we didn't have enough time. We said if we go back, we'll do that route.

We stayed at the following motels in the South island:

Dunedin - Portobello. We like this very much and ranked this as the best of all motels we stayed in NZ. We didn't think the photos on its website have done them justice.

Queenstown - Colonial Village. This is a definite *no* ! We didn't like it at all and were glad to get out.

Franz Josef - Alpine Glacier. This is pretty good. The units are recently renovated. The owners were very nice and friendly, the best we have met in NZ. They gave us good tips as to which heli-hike tour offered best guide that we should join.

Christchurch - Milano. This is very nice and the owners were friendly too. There wasn't much to do at Christchurch and we did a day trip to Kaikoura for whale watching, which was great !

The owners at Alpine Glacier told us that they also travelled within NZ. Their advice is not to stay with motels with the Bella Vista chain as the rooms/units are small. Our own observation is that you should try to avoid big chains including Scenic Circle, especially if you are going in January, which I think is high season for NZ. We saw many Asian tours/coaches and they all stay with the big chains, presumably because they would have enough units to accomodate the entire tour !

Similarly for Milford Sound. We went on a cruise with a smaller "boat" than the large ones and we were glad we did. The large one (e.g. The Red Cruise which is fairly well-known) was packed with tour groups!

As for the car, we got it from Ezi-rent.

Do you or your friend have an ipod? We got a Tune Cast Auto for iPod which worked great and gave us many hours of pleasurable music!

It fell on afternoon/evening of 17th Dec, the second day we were in Franz Josef after our heli-hike ...

It was disappointing and bb was saying "how inconvenient!" As it turned out, it was good as it's all cleared on the last evening we were in Rotorua and we shared a jacuzzi ...

Another example that humans are too foolish to understand God's plan!

It's the third day we returned from NZ. (returned on 24th Dec late afternoon). For the last two days, I stayed with her. Christmas mah. should be spent together. I wanted it to be so, although there are the usual tons to do after a two-week holiday - laundry in particular.

As bb said in her post, we shot tons of pictures. More than 2800 in all. Got a few videos with my camera too. We are both writing up about our trip so they will be posted later. Just be patient, and more patience for my bit please, as bb has already started writing and sorting photos, and she is the efficent one. Always!

I said I'll visit my brother and his family today. But my tummy hasn't been too good. no pain, but just uncomfortable. may bve I had too uch for hte last 2 weeks. that's an excuse in a way. I got up a bit later today, 7:30am. Got up, started washing machine for my laundry, and went back to bed hoping to sleep a bit more but couldn't. So I got up and caught up the tv program while I was away. Done that by 4:30pm. Yes, in other words, I spent today in front of a tv today. What really changed my mind was my state of mind. I was emotional. The tv program was about a solicitors' firm, not really one of those what bb calls emotionally-manipulating programs. but from time to time, I couldn't help sobbing away. I don't know if I'm fraid of tomorrow (because I need to return to work) or I simply miss my sis which I've been doing so for the last week. When I attended mass on Sunday morning, I was listening to what Father had to say to us, but at one stage, tears filled my eyes and I was sniffing. I wanted to run to the washroom to cry. I missed my sis so much! the memory of going to masses with her in Christmas was flooding in my head. I had to really control myself. We still have to sing the hymes.

Then came the part where we wished everyone "Peace be with you." I kept a low key, as I have always done in Sunday church. I smiled and still wished people peace as everyone does. But the smile on my face must be odd.

Yesterday, I went to the church's x'mas party. I don't know that many people, and am still struggling to memorise my Sunday church group. I kept smiling. In fact, I was starting to feel tired because of jet lag. It went well. The performance by the kids who attend Sunday church was really good. It was very sweet. But somehow, I didn't feel part of them. I didn't feel I fit in wel.. May be that's because I still don't know them well. It takes time. May be I'll feel more comfortable later.

Read bb's post re PB1. Sorry bb, that she has a lot of bills and wants new toys and I can't afford the two of us. sf has repeated today that he won't be my referee for permanent magistrate post. He's very supportive and has the highest regard for my ability. I'm not sure now. One thing he said right is that being a magistrte is very much running from reality. Do I want to be runner?? Would I regret it later, if I do?? The benefit of staying in private pratice is really a chance to earn enough so bb can stay home. May be she can write a book?? I only what her to do what she wants and enjoys doing, then I'm happy.

Personally, I feel I'm at a crossroad - confused and don't know what to do. I should pray more and have more faith in God. sf and I agreed today that God has everything planned. What seemed depressed when we lost soooo many times in that litigation we now have a miracle!

I'm a really happy person today. A few good things have happened:

1. bb's back (and she got me panda (sp) cake :) )
2. the charge against my client was dropped.
3. my best friend here told me where she's going - that's a very good city firm! (although I'll miss her ... )
4. sf called today. he said he's going to suggest to my client that I be instructed on some of the files on her other litigation! I was thrilled and flattered! That may not happen in due course, because it very much depend on my client, and she's against this firm because of the bad experience in the past - of ocurse, before I joined here lah. At the same time, I asked sf to do me a favour - to act as my referee re my character for my application as a magistrate. I'd expect him to say ok, but he said "no" ! no matter what I said, he said no. he even said if I put his name down and he's asked, he'll say I'm such a bad person that I'm unfit to be a magistrate! He said he disagree because I'm such a good litigator. I thanked him for that and said I want to get out of here asap, and there is an exit. I said I want a happy life. He said I'll be bored out of my mind. I said if that's the case, I can re-join the private practice or what not. We agreed to meet tomorrow and discuss. Question is : would we really meet?? :D

I've been thinking of bb a lot this week. much more than the last occasions when she's away. I kept looking at the clock today waiting for her plane to touch ground, and I would call her. But she called before I did - yes, she beat me again! well, nothing new. :)

Just had my dinner. seafood and spagetti in white cheese sauce. got it from Canteen downstairs. taste ok, a bit rich. As I'm soooo happy, I rewarded myself with a hot Korean juice. It costed me an extra $10. I usually just have tea that's available in the office (andI'm still here working) I'm so mean. :P

Dinner was a takeaway. I got 2 spoons for my spagetti and no fork! I used a pair of chopsticks :D

On my way back from Canteen to the office with my din din, I think of bb again. There was an urge to see her. It's already 8:40pm. I'll see her soon. :)

It's my second day of annual leave. I took yesterday and today off. but I was in office for both days. Not only that, the plan was to take advantage of the previous Sat off, so I would have 4 days of holidays - a long weekend. That was ruin by my boss, who made me go into the office on Sat afternoon, claiming that he wanted to discuss the case with me, and that discussion took less than 10 minutes!

Called my brother today. He confirmed that his video camcorder had been repaired. When I asked him if I could borrow it, he said yes on the basis that it would be the same. The way it came out was odd, and it took me a little while to understand he was trying to say that don't break it, or he'll break my neck. Stupid and slow of me ??!

Can't believe we are off next Saturday to our trip that has been planned a few months ago - yeah! I've been thinking of what needs to be done, bought and brought today ...

Did a bit of shopping this evening. Had a shop in mind that I wanted to visit but didn't find it in the shopping mall close to where I live. Could it be that it doesn't have a branch at that mall?? But me being me, I still managed a few new items. Nothing fanciful. Just a few cotton pullovers that could go with suit or with jackets for casual wear. They are cheap - like around 3 quid each. Can't beat that, right?

sf called this afternoon. blamed me for not doing research for him. what's new??! he always blames me, for whatever. my reply? "Whatever!" :D he said let's meet tomorrow afternoon. I told him I have a telecon early afternoon and have a seminar at 6:30pm. He said we'll meet at 5:30pm, he'll call me then. I said ok. Let's see how that turns out.

I saw an ad. It's recruiting for permanent magistrate. funny enough, the ad also said if hired, it'd be for 3 years. so it's not permanent?? then my smart brother told me the structure is that initially 3 years contract. upon satisfactory performance, it'll be extended for another 3 years. And upon satisfactory performance of the extended 3 years, then, you'll become permanent.

In any event, I'm very interested in that position. I'll put in an application soon. The problem is I need to come up with the reason why I want to join the judiciary. Why? It's always been my aspiration.

These days I feel more relaxed, and generally happy. feel like up in the clouds. feel unreal. Why? A side of me is looking forward to a new chapter in a new country when I'll tact along with bb. It's a mistery to me. I heard a lot about that country, that particular town. But I've never been, and the huge uncertainty is whether I'll like it there, if I'll be able to get a job, and if so, what to do?? My working skills are portable, but not so portable. The other side of me would like to join the judiciary, if I get hired. Well, both are not real yet. I'll cross the bridge when it comes, in the meantime, I'll dream on!

mm went to her first lesson since a few months ago. The venue is closeby to her office, so seems easier. So, from now on, mm will attend lesson every Monday during lunch. She is also invited to join the chapel choice and attend mass starting at 9am every Sunday! So, no more sleeping in for bbmm!

The father looks like an English. May be bb would join mm on to go to church on Sunday too? Then they can have breakfast, and continue with their other plans - or go home to keep the bed warm ...

It may also mean staying at bb's on Sat evenings would be easier, no? will see lah.

There's a memorial mass for my sis on Saturday at 7:15am. bb came over Friday evening but both of us over-slept! I went to bed early (around 11:30pm or 12am) and bb came in a bit later. I woke up to set the alarm when bb came in. I heard it going off on Saturday morning, but didn't press the "snooze" button. At about 8am, I woke up suddenly and the hands on the clock gave me a fright! Obviously, it's too late for the mass. Called parents to apologise. We then went to join them for breakfast before visiting sis. Hope she didn't mind :P

On both Friday and Saturday night, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. The unusual thing is that I got so irritated and annoyed, for what I didn't know! It's certainly nothing to do with bb. I think I acted like a spoiled kid. Sorry bb. She was good - comforting me and put on a humourous VCD. That helped. I think bb's gentleness throughout helped most !

Yesterday, we stayed home all day. I felt indifferent to other things; felt a bit life-less. But bb was there for me *again*! I still don't know what got to me. As I said to bb, I can't imagine what I'd be like when I have to go through menopause, if I'm already acting unreasonably and strangely !

I've got a date tonight - and so does bb (wink!).

We'll be going to one of our favourite restaurants for steaks on sizzling plates. It's an ordinary restaurant but one that has been around for ages. A 3-course meal costs about GBP 10. You get soup of the day (either a red (Borsch (bb, is this right?)) or white (cream of mushroom/chicken)), a main course served on a hot plate with a choice of sauce, plus tea or coffee. They pour the sauce over the meat on the hot plate in front of you, so it smells gorgeous! And so do you !

We both like it there. We are meeting at 6:30pm and I've been closely monitoring the clock since an hour ago.

Yes, that may not sound special to you, but it's special to me :)

I have received the chicken fan card - thanks to bb who dropped in the application for me in time. Being a member, I get:

For Eat-in: free soft drink (medium)/tea/freshly grinded coffee

For delivery: 10% off for any delivery purchase over US$15 or any purchase of a la carte items.

There are also offers to new members!

Of course, I'm counting on bb to share the privilege :)

We had a wonderful weekend! well, I did, anyway. We spent a lot of time together especially yesterday! bb was sooooooo good. she sacrified her writing task for me, and whilst I feel a little guilty, I'm touched and soooooo happy!!! :D

I couldn't sleep last night and when I eventually did, it must had been past 2 am. This morning, I still have the headache I had since last week. I suspect I'm developing flu or cold. I took two pain killers yesterday but it's still around. May be I need to take them more regularly.

mm has been wanting to move to another work place, but either there's no news re ones interested or nothing appealling. There are times when mm is so desperate that she just want to be out of here ! The rational side of her says that unless the new job would be better than what she gets, otherwise, there's no point and matters could be worse.

Working in here has been such a nightmare that mm could not sleep properly yesterday - somehow mm kept waking up throughout the night, and so much so that she even said she wanted to get out of here asap in her dream !

Patient, patient and more patient is what mm needs right now. bb has been extremely supportive - always there for mm. bb is so good that she took mm to "visit the birds" last weekend, notwithstanding she's very much against that kind of thing and being superstitious. bb is *so good* !

I had an "out of the blue" appraisal today, from the two partnes I work for here. One good and one bad. The bad one had obviously fed the good one with unfair comments about me and my performance. Two major unfair comments were there were adverse comments from a client. That client, I was told, was the 3rd or 4th largest hence most important client to this company! I was surprised to hear that - both re adverse comments and re the importance of that client to this company. Yes, the client is foreign listed, but from my exposure, not really that big, especially if you look at the global conglomerates! Re adverse comments, I responded and it's obvious that the bad partner was embarrassed. I hesitated whether to respond but I thought I should because that's my chance to do so.

I also told them I have no support. I should also have told them that recently, I had to check each page of the photocopy of a document of about 3 lever arch files - and client has to pay for it!!

Anyway, when I told bb re the importance of that client, bb said " that's because they turned away other cases!"

bb is so witty and quick ! I'm lucky to have her.

PS During the "out of the blue" appraisal this morning (there's a one scheduled at the end of this month), the bad one told me I was lucky because they were willing to spend the time and effort to tell me those things. And I was thinking: arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!

bb was coughing again. it's worrying - what's wrong? Is it something we don't know that the doctor has missed?? What's taking it so long???

I have said it well, must have been a year or more now, that I want to prepare a will so that bb would be protected should anything happen. I must get it done soon.

bb posted an entry today, but she did not say anything about her disappointment. I wish she did, so I can understand more, so I know more what I should do. these days, she speaks more with others, including her laptops. don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous, just that sometimes I wish she could tell me more about her and things going on around her. I know that her job is also very tough and she's always under pressure. but when we meet, she hardly say much. I know I'm not a very good listener, and I wish I can be better. I wish she could help me to improve and I can understand more of her, and what's expected of me. sometimes, our source of our arguments are pure misunderstanding.

It's strange. We didn't have this problem when we were in London. May be we were young, and things around us are a lot more simplier. Sometimes, I really wish the clock can be turned back. bb wants to go back to London, may be she also wants to go back to those days. I do too, only more, but I'm afraid that it will not be the same and we'll be disappointed. Then I don't know where and what we should do.

At least now, she can blame me, we can fight, and dream.

yes, bb eats really quickly. sometimes I wonder if she tasted the food at all ! it means that she usually sit there and watch while I finish mine. she might even say "eat up" when she's running out of patience ! ha haa haaa!!

bb came last night. she waited a whole day for me, whilst I get bossed around and exhausting myself. we went massage and had "burn night." when we were walking home, bb was sooooooooooo tired that her eyes were closed, and she was 30% (?) asleep. mm feels she has let bb down.

then mm went unconscious until around 10:30am this morning. and the airport is up and running beautifully ! all because of bb - *smack* !!

the two morons are leaving this week. In fact, one is leaving today, and won't be here for one week. The other is leaving on Wednesday, and won't be back for 3 weeks - yeah! although it means that mm would only have a few days break - when they are both away - but mm is happy with that, although the more the better - always, right??!

mm is very pressed at work - working for two bosses, each wanting mm to do everything *now* for them, each like to "discuss" case with mm, and mm's time is wasted listening to them speaking out loud, thinking it through, allegedly.

things are particularly bad lately. both bosses spoke to mm with strong words, one of them spoke extremely rude-ly (is there such a word??). screaming and shouting. mm was unhappy but bb is always there. :)

however, it means another working weekend for mm, and bb would have to entertain herself. mm wanted to spend more time with bb so much, but work is keeping them apart. bb has been extremely good, considerate and understanding, and always puts up with the crap mm tells her about mm's work - so *big* hug for her !

what would mm be like without her?? xoxo

bb has left this afternoon for business for a few days, and mm is already missing her ... I know, I know, they don't usually meet during weekdays anyway and bb will be back by Friday evening, but still, bb is away, and mm has started the countdown ...