mm had a marathon of meetings today. The day was quiet before lunch and mm was drafting her monthly article on St. Teresa for the church. Then mm's 1st client called, and they agreed to meet at 3:30pm. Then mm's 2nd client (the one that's involved in a family dispute mentioned in yesterday's post) called to confirm instructions. They agreed to meet at 6pm so that letter of engagement may be signed and cost on account may be given to the firm. mm expected the 2nd meeting to be short but it took nearly 2 hours! mm was sympathetic towards their position and they are new to litigation, and she had to explain her advice on the strategy and way forward again and answer questions again. So eventually, mm was in meetings from 3pm (the 2nd client called and they spoke on the phone) until around 8pm! mm was exhausted!

For purpose of acting for the 2nd client, mm had to report the matter to her boss (Joe). Joe raised the question as to how comfortable we are in involving in probate cases. He said he had only "touched" on contentious probate case! He was honest and mm respected that. mm reminded him of my experience in contentious probate matters and said I intended to involve counsel at early stage, and have advised client of that intention. He suggested sf - yes! mm thought, however, that her boss was easy on this one because the team has been very quiet - to the point that everyone has plenty of capacities! Oops!

bb's comment on mm's post of yesterday made her (mm) day! : D

Had a hard working but very productive weekend. Tidied up the documents that have been on my dining table for some months and cleaned out my fridge on Sat and Sunday respectively. The fridge took me a few hours to do. The things I dumped took up the whole bin for the entire floor! Oops!

Attended a meeting for bible class teachers last night. Before that, attended the 6pm mass hosted by the Rev. Father recently joined the church. He was good! He's Indian, but his local language was excellent! He's so funny and to the point. Simple message, but big ideas. I like him!

The meeting for the bible class was good too. Very useful for someone like me who needed a bit more training. It's also a good place to exchange ideas. I seated next to Father Lok. A member of my Legion team was there. He came after I did. He asked why did I sat there i.e. next to Father Lok. I said another bible class teacher invited me to sit there, so I did. Then that Legion member didn't say much but for the rest of the meeting, he looked at me strangely, as though I picked that seat deliberately, intending to shine shoes for Father Lok. That idea never came across my mind. Why are they so small and shallow?

Had a meeting with a potential client relating to a family dispute. The meeting went well; I spoke to sf and went over my intended advice, so sure win lah! I think they will confirm instructions to us tomorrow. However, it made me very sad, dealing with family disputes, rows between members of the same family. Sigh.

I joined a Planet Yoga last Thursday. It's a life membership - I paid a fixed amount by monthly instalment (interest free) for 2 years, and some GBP 40 per annum after 100 months i.e. over 8 years! I thought it suits me quite well. You see, I'm not persistent in terms of exercising. So, I won't lose out too much if I use it a while/stop a while ... and so on. Good deal, hur?

I actually felt being well taken care of by God today! It's a day full of love.

At around 4pm, I called sf; nothing in particular just seemed that we haven't spoken for some time, so I thought I'll give him a call. He wasn't in his chamber so I left a messgae on his voicemail.

About 15 minutes later, he called my mobile! He said he called me a few times in office but didn't get through. It turned out that he got my direct line number in the office wrong - ai ya! I told him that so many times lah!

Anyway, we met for a hot chocolate at Starbucks nearby. That was around 5pm. We had a good chat - nothing in particular, just lots of B.S. ! :D

Then I got my dental appointment at 6:30pm. I felt pain on the left bottom molar. I thought I had a bad teeth, just a tooth decay. In fact, I felt pain on that tooth some half year ago. Initially, I thought I have sensitive teeth.

I took an X-ray. The dentist confirmed it was tooth decay. But then, because it has decayed quite badly that I might need to do the root canal - Again! I was scared. I wasn't prepared for it. We started with reparing tooth decay procedure, then she told me the decay has gone too deeply that I needed a root canal. And we did that. I was there on time and by the time everything finished, it was around 7:45pm.

Throughout the procedure, I closed my eyes ("no eye see" ?) And I prayed. I kept saying "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee. ... " I saw Mary Mother looking very softly and gently at me, like my mother, comforting me. There were times when I couldn't quite say that prayer or I lost where I've got to, or it was hard for me to concentrate on my prayer. Half way or three-quarters of the way after the root canal procedure was afoot, I saw St. Teresa. I saw her face when she was a toddler. I asked for her help too. So both Mary Mother and St. Teresa were with me. I was very much comforted.

As I had local anaesthetic, I was then told not to eat anything for the next 2 to 3 hours. I didn't feel hungry. When I walked out of the clinic, I realised it was that hot chocolate! Yes, the hot chocolate helped me to relax for the procedures and filled me for the next 2 hours ! And my meeting with sf was not planned; it was ad hoc. And bb will be able to confirm that sf's style is that : in the morning, he'll say let's meet this afternoon, and afternoon came, there was no call, no show from him ! Weird, right? But that made that hot chocolate so special.

I also had quite a fatty lunch. Both of those prepared me for the evening.

There's no limit to God's wisdom and plan. I'm too stupid to understand it. But when I take a moment to look back, there's a meaning to everything.

It's great to know we are in good hands! :)

It's been a while since I post anything here. (I just checked - it's almost been a month! wow, time really flies!!) Yes, because of laziness. A number of things have happened and I wanted to post it here so that there'll be a record of them, but ...

That's the past. I'm making an effort now. Here's a summary of what has happened, insofar as I can recall and/or worth mentioning here.

1. Pilgrimage in July 2006

At the end of April 2006, Father Lok told me they were going to Israel and Rome in July 2006. I was very interested and wanted to join them immediately. Me being me, I obtained the itinery and the application form (yes, you have to apply for it; something that - at least on the face of it - money doesn't seem to be able to buy) and considered it over the long week in the beginning of May 2006. It goes without saying that I was babbling to bb.

On the following working day, I applied for 2 places - for mum and I. Yes, mum is coming too. I was hesitant as I'm not patient enough and in fact, I debated whether to ask her to join us. I blame myself for having such hesitation as afterall, she's my mum! I only have one; my sister is not with us, my brothers are busy with their respective families ...

There were two difficulties: (1) the travel agent said the tour was already full and mum and I were on waiting list (2) the dates directly clashed with my boss and Richard's leave. (1) was quickly resolved - Father Lok said no problem, although the travel agent still maintains mum and I were on waiting list. (2) was difficult. I spoke to Richard twice and you should have seen the guy's attitude. Not only was it totally non-negotiable, he was rude and bold - bearing in mind his leave had not been approved !! I even told him that if we could not reach a compromise, it's possible that neither of us would be going away. He went, "If the partner tells me he doesn't approve my leave, I'll live with it." So much for a friend ! From then on, I don't talk to him. If he comes into my office, I pretend I'm busy.

I so much wanted to join the others to pilgrimage that I was planning to resign if necessary. Yes, I was very serious about it. To say that I'm interested is an understatement. As I was saying to sf, somehow I felt an urge to go; I don't remember wanted something so badly. I prayed earnestly. I was very sad for an evening or two I was hard-pushed to have someone to talk to; someone who would understand where I was coming from. I called Sister Catherine and felt much better after having spoken to her. She said she would pray for me. In one of my emails to Father Lok keeping him up to date of my position, I asked him to pray for me too. So thick-skin!

My boss is a Christian so he could understand much better. Eventually, he approved my leave - so all 3 of us are going way at the same time. When I told Sister Catherine the good news, she was very happy for me and said after we hang up, she would go to their chapel and thank God. She's wonderful ! I don't know what to do without her.

2. Argument with Ms. Chu on 7 May 2006

I had an argument with Ms. Chu last Sunday. She returned from her pilgrimage last Saturday evening and took Sunday off, so I didn't see her that day. I excused myself from attending a talk about Mary Mother in this coming Saturday, as I have to attend an after-baptism class that runs until end of June 2006. I went back to the office in the afternoon after Sunday Church. Around 3pm, Ms. Chu called. She yelled at me and cross-examined why I'm not attending the talk. I said because I needed to attend the class at St. Teresa's Church. The timing of the two clashes directly with each other. I can only be at one place at one time. She said people put in effort to organise a talk, she told the speaker (Sister Watt) that there'll be a great turnout, whatever I'll learn at that class I can always learn it any other time (implying that she could teach me too), that all I needed to do is to speak to Father Lok and excuse myself, that I'm newly baptised ... blah blah blah. I told her I have taken all those into account when I considered the matter and I think it's more important for me to attend the class than the talk. The class is a once in a life time thing as you are only baptised once, whilst you could and would have talks about Mary Mother later. She wouldn't accept it and kept yelling and screaming at me. Eventually, I said I'd consider it. I just wanted to put down the phone. No point of arguing with her. My position is clear and I have stated it in unequivocal terms.

I was so upset - what have I done wrong??! Why was I put under such tremendous pressure? She sounded as though if the turnout is not good, that's my fault. Am I that important??! Shed a few tears because I was furious with her attitude. Prayed again, then spoke to Yolanda. I said I'm sure I'll learn something whichever event I attend. I weighted the importance and meaning of them before making the decision. And Ms. Chu sounded as though it's important for me to attend the talk on Mary Mother because she needed the number of people or she'll lose face. Sorry, how does that come into the equation??! I felt much better having talked to Yolanda. :)

A few days later, she called again and asked if I'd make a donation to some charity. I agreed at $100. As soon as I said that, there were a few seconds of silence. She must have been expecting more. Well, charity is not the kind of things you could force upon another, right? During that conversation, she said re talk on Mary Mother, she would respect my decision whatever I decide to do, although she wanted me to go to CC. I said nothing. As I said, I have already stated my position. Why repeat myself, when doing so may provoke her??

That same evening, I bumped into Yolanda. Told her re this conversation. It's good to talk to her. :)

From that incident, I'm not sure if my relationship with Ms. Chu could be as good as before. Or look at it another way, I don't want to put all resources on one person. She has all the assistance from CC members. I think if possible, I should help others who are more needy. So perhaps not just this one incident, but it may be a catalyst. I should perhaps thank this incidence as it helps me to crystalise my views and gives me a chance to put some distance between us, as I find her too attached to me. I don't like it and don't feel comfortable with it.

I don't know how she feels. Perhaps she thinks I'm not obedient and rebellious, and I have changed since my baptism, because I don't need her anymore, etc etc. Perhaps the feeling is mutual in that she too, wants to put so distance between us.

If so, that's a compromise.

3. Ms. Chu's visit to CC on Sunday

Spoke to Yolanda re this Sunday. She would take Ms. Chu to CC, although taking her back remains an issue. It's Mother's Day this Sunday and we both have plans. We agreed that she would quietly ask CC members tomorrow when she sees them at the talk. The worst scenario is that we'll put her on a taxi, as there's no slope from where she usually gets off taxi and her flat, so she should be able to cope.

We also agreed that bringing her back to her place after Sunday Church is something CC needs to address as it's looking to be long-term. The problem is occupying someone to specially take care of her every week. We all have our own families, obligations and lives. That may sound selfish, and yes, it is selfish. But we are only human. Further, if we devote all time to her, how would that be fair to our own families, our friends and ourselves??

May be we'll see how well she copes this weekend; perhaps she doesn't need extra help? Even if she does, may be we could take turns??

4. sf

During our conversation today, sf said I should not be obssessed with the Religion; that I should keep a balance. That came about when he asked for my plans this weekend, and I told him I'm going to a class at the Church tomorrow and meeting mum and my family after Sunday Church. He didn't give me a chance to respond. Weird. He also said it's "nonsense" for me to become a nun. Why such unsolicited comments/opinions and also over-reaction it seems??

I just wanted to tell him that I enjoy doing what I'm doing. Who knows? My enthusiasim may die sooner than anyone knows - me being an Aries, although I pray that this will never happen to me.

Why can't he be a bit more like bb, just a bit??! (shoe-shining lah! hee hee)

5. Legion of Mary

Since this March, Father Lok has been recommending this to me. I visited them twice at their weekly meetings and enjoyed them. I like the team spirit and politics-free atmosphere. Father Lok is leading - may be that's why.

I told them I am interested to join them. The procedure is I would then be on probation for 3 months - a chance for me to see if it suits me and if I suit them. However, since I have registered for a short course for the newly baptised (a course in which a number of senior Fathers would be speaking), and that I would be going to prilgrimage, I would only start my probation in August 2006. No hurry. If that's what God wants me to do, I'll do it, sooner or later.

I wasn't going to go on the short course, but Sister Catherine highly recommended it. So I registered it.

6. Sister Catherine

I like Sister Catherine very much and feel very comfortable to share my feelings with her. I knwo she would understand and can see where I'm coming from. The issue of my intended resignation is an example. She didn't say, "yes, do it." Her advice was objective, balanced, realistic and she has no agenda! Now, that's very important.

7. Moving Sam

I'm moving Sam to be a local solicitor tomorrow morning. It's my first time - first debut! Feel very honoured that I'm asked to do so for her. I'm thrilled and excited about tomorrow. Tonight, I'll pray that all goes well, that I won't make a fool of myself and at the same time, embarrass Sam.

First day back to work after bbmm's birthday trip. Called sf and spoke to him. He claimed to have sent me a sms on my birthday. I said I didn't get it. It transpired that he remembered it wrongly - he thought it's the 5th! What an idiot!

My boss asked about my trip. I said it was good, but I have allergy probably because of the difference in weather. He looked at me as though the allergy is contagious! Does he have any common sense??!

My teacher asked if I could take her home tonight. I debated about that throughout the day. At the end, time permits so I did. I tried to avoid that because I didn't want her to rely heavily on me again, like what she did before the Korean trip. I felt pressure and wasn't too happy about it. In the end, I left it with Him. I didn't think I could make it anyway because I was waiting for my boss' comments on a draft email, but at around 6:30pm, he said he didn't need me to finalise the email and that I could go. I thought if God has made it possible, I should do as He wanted me to and go with the flow. In the end, it wasn't a bad ride, although I was still a little tired.

When we got to her flat, she gave me a pen (which by Tuesday pm, I still haven't opened it) and a holy cross key ring. I told her I have plenty of pen and key rings, and she should give them to the needy ones. She insisted. So I accepted them and said I shall treat them as a gift from her for my baptism, and I shall accept no more gifts.

The fact is throughout the years, I have been various pens of various brands, but I still prefer the biro from Stablio - they are cheap but very good!

Finished the rest of the homeworks Father Lok asked me to do and sent them to him before I left office. I congratulated myself for having made them before my baptism this Saturday! hee hee.

Yes, it's my birthday today and I think it's worth recording what I did today, so many years after, I can read back to myself. :)

My first date - Made an effort to attend the morning service at 7:15am at the local church. well, I was a bit late and by the time I got there, Father was preaching on that day's Gospel. The service finished at around 7:45am. I felt good after that.

Then went to Park n' Shop to get a few groceries. Got home and had some of the remaining dishes in my fridge. You see I'm flying tonight (midnight, 5 April 2006) and have to kill all parishable food in my fridge before then. Surfed a while, listened to Father Lok's preaching from the net, watched a bit of TV, then left to attend my second date - meeting Sister Catherine at St. Clare's.

Got there at around 11:30am. Mum was there already. She showed us around the newly decorated school. Wow, it's fantastic! We went to have dim sum lunch at Mum's favourite restaurant then we parted. I went to Catholic Centre to get a birthday card for Father Lok - It's his birthday on 6 April, 2 days after mine! :)

Then went home and wrote the card. It took me a bit of time to think about what to say in it plus a bit of time to draft it. After that was done, I started packing. didn't take me long. Soon after that, bb called and went through her checklist with me - smack!

Finished the rest of the food in the fridge, took a shower, changed and I was on my way to the airport!

During the day, I got several calls and various sms from my friends. One of those sms was from a friend at Sunday church. Nothing from sf, notwithstanding we met briefly this afternoon so that I could return a DVD to him. I don't think he has forgotten about it, but he has remembered it wrongly!

Called my teacher early in the morning to report on yesterday's interview with Father. She was happy for me and has kindly agreed to get the "distance learning" materials for me. I'm spoilt. :)

Had dim sum lunch with my parents and elder brother. He and his family has just returned from holiday in Europe. I was thrilled to see them, and was eager to spread the good news to them. Dad said I looked very happy. Yes, I was, and still am. :D

Dropped an email to the conductor to share the good news. Why him? Because my teacher has told him about it. If my skin is thick enough, I would have posted this good news on the service team's website and share the joy with others. I bumped into another member of service team. I was so happy that I hugged her and told her the good news.

Called sis (my ex-teacher) and told her the good news. She was very happy for me.

I also called my ex-secretary and shared the good news with her. She has agreed to be my Godmother if I couldn't get someone else.

bb of course couldn't escape the fate of listening to all my babbles. hee hee.

This is a very special Valentine's Day to me - that I would have the love of God. Something I believe will change me.

bb and I went out for dinner. We had a Japanese restaurant in mind but when we got there, it was packed and there was a queue waiting outside it. We went to a local tea house that serves portugese food. Food was nice. I enjoyed it. It's not expensive, but it's not the cost that counts. It's the company that matters.

Because it's Valentine's Day, even sf called me. We wished each other a Happy Valentine's Day.

I feel very special and privileged today. Feel so much love around me. I'm a lucky girl. :)

Because my brain was stuffed with so much love, I couldn't concentrate and didn't do any work today. Oops. Will try to get in earlier tomorrow to deal with them. The idiot boss bought each of us a box of heart-shaped chocolate from Cova and a small card, wishing us a Happy Valentine's Day. What's wrong with him??!

The answer is surfing and chatting, on the phone and with my ex-temp secretary. Yes, she's back for one day, working for a newly joined colleague. She's very nice. Honestly, I like her better than my own secretary. She works harder and is more motivated than my secretary. My secretary is smarter than the temp secretary. She knows better when to do things, what to do and how. Talking about doing the right things, at the right place, at the right time.

I did some work. Not much though. I was bored out of my mind. Not interested at the kind of work I do now. I'm just getting on with things. Not as motivated as I was before. The work just doesn't interest me anymore. A colleague next door said he wanted to move to another firm, and named a few. I already know those firms are recruiting, but I'm too senior (or senile) for them. I wish I could move on and soon.

I haven't prayed for that. I must trust the plan God put in place for me. Sometimes when I think about it, this experience has made me seen things that I didn't see before. One important thing is how I'm loved by those around me. Now on my way to work everyday, I would look up the sky, humming my favourite hymns, and grateful to all the gifts God has given me. I count myself lucky. If everything were going too well in the office, I would miss those things and take them for granted, a bit like what I was before. Sometimes I blame myself for that. That had wasted a lot of my time and have very much suppressed the human side of me such that I didn't spend as much time with my sis as I would like to. I have learnt to stop/ slow down a little and treasure all the gifts I have been given, and to spend time with my loved ones.

The link is bb's post was really cool. But I had to try and try many times before I see what I'm suppose to see! In the middle of it, I called bb and had a great laugh at myself for having a very different and weird mind! :D

Told sf today that once I am baptised, I'd be making affidavits, not affirmations. He went "Big Time!" :D

Had a wonderful day. Yes, I accomplished a lot. It's my long week so I went to work in the morning, although I set the alarm wrongly and only got to the office by around 9:30am. Then worked until around 1pm when I went down to get lunch. Then did more work until around 4pm when I went over to sf's chambers, installed and taught him the basics re iTunes - He just bought an iPod nano plus a B&O earphones (see earlier post). bb and I use iTunes on Mac, but sf has a PC. That was a challenge. I was meant to be straight forward. However, I was a little scared as I've nearly forgotten how to use PC. The PC in the office doesn't count because it runs on intranet and there's an in-house team who's responsible to look after them. Everything was working ok. I need to figure out one thing i.e. how to delete songs on iPod nano. With my mini iPod (which sf bought me last year), I do it on the computer through my Library and I believe the same applies to iTunes on PC, but it won't work on sf's machine. I need to figure that out for him.

After that, he bought me a hot chocolate from the usual place. Time flew quickly and I was late by almost an hour for CNY gathering with the church's service team. Oops.

That gathering went really well. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought it's well organised and by the look of it, everyone had fun! Co-incidentally, it's my teacher's birthday too and they prepared a b'day cake for her. How nice. As the Chinese says "Double happiness come to your door." :D

My teacher told me that she had mentioned me with Father Lok (lit). He's busy this month and I'll go to see him next month. I said to my teacher I better do some reading up and homework! :P

It was around 10pm when we finished and packed up. I went back to office and worked for about an hour before going home. Got so much to do! Sigh.

The idiot is back. Gave me a liasee - $100. You might say no surprise, but that's already an improvement from him. What did we get last year - $20? $50?

met up with sf. First time we said we'll meet in advance and we did. I haven't seen him for quite some time. It's very good to see him again. We had our usual hot chocolate, and chatted. I gave him his ipod nano, and showed him what to do to charge up the machine. We agreed that I'll go to his chamber to fix it for him and teach him this Saturday afternoon. Fingers-cross for mm. May be mm can call bb if she needs help?? I know, that's cheating ! :P

sf even bought B&O earphones, cost $880. He said they are much cheaper than in New York. He said he tried them when he was there and they sounded very good. Still. $880, about 50% of the cost of the ipod nano itself.

It's only been 2 days since holiday, and since bb has been here, but it seems long and I already miss bb. Tomorrow.

We have already touched on plan for next weekend; as pre-14th February because it falls on a weekday this year. :)

First day after CNY holiday. pretty quiet at work, both bosses were away. People were more relaxed. I happily went round the office (with reasonable limit, of course) and greeting everyone a good year. Got a few lai sees. All $20s. Even the one from office. Mean, yes. No surprise, yes. Same as last year.

Spoke to bb a few times :) she's pretty busy. I was ok. That stupid Richard played God again - telling me to do this and that and after I have done them, he'd be happy to look at them for me. I thought, "That's very kind" in a sarcastic way. He's so arrogant.

bb and I agreed to watch movie this weekend. We also agreed on the venue, Sunday for 2:30pm. As I'd be tied up for other things on the following evenings before then, I dropped by the cinema to get the tickets. Unfortunately, they only sell tickets 3 days in advance, which means I could only get those tickets on Friday the earliest. That include sale on the internet too. What shall I do? I'll be tied up in the following evenings !

Just went I got through the main door, I could smell Jasmine. I've been sitting in front of the tv tonight, surfing. There's soft breeze tonight. I could smell Jasmine from where I'm sitting, delivered by the soft breeze. How lovely, soothing and relaxing. I love it. Most of the flowers are opened now. It's been very warm in the last few days. I always get Jasmine during CNY when they are available in abundant. This year, I also bought Chrysanthemum. Purple and orange. I thought the colour would crash, but somehow they sit and compliement each other very well. It certainly adds to the mood of CNY.

Been thinking of where to go with my parents. Bangkok? Onsen? I feel a little uneasy going with them. I am no good at taking care of people. Worse still, I am so used to going with bb, who's smart, has an excellent sense of direction and great memory especially where streets and roads are concerned. Now, she's not coming and I have two dependents ... !

Finished the rest of bb's cooking - chicken coq en vin and roast potato - a portion that's probably enough for both of us. Then I had some sweet CNY cake from mum. I could think of one word now. Three letters. Fat.

Got an sms from sf. He just got back. Meeting up tomorrow afternoon. Would he have got me the book from Morrie himself that I dropped a hint? Probably not. :P

Attended Sunday church early this morning. The service was going to be broadcasted. It's going be my first broadcast, lucky not a solo. Got up at around 7am, took taxi and got to the Church by around 8:40am. We were to meet at 8:45am so I was early. When I got there, I was the only one there, except Diana - one of the staffs at Church. My teacher was probably around but I didn't see her, probably busy with the broadcast's arrangement. In fact, I wasn't so surprised. I noticed that people are habitually late for 10/15 minutes, whether social gathering, practice for the choir, church, and so on. I'm sure there's good reason. But sometimes I thought well, even I, someone's who's not baptised yet, is punctual ... Anyway, that's not my business and it doesn't bother me. I usually busy myself with little things like putting the hymn books and liturgy books out for the choir, or read the verses of hymns softly to myself, humming or singing softly to myself of those hymns. They are wonderful. This morning, I took the chance to pray.

Choir practice started at around 9am. Before that, I already received two lai sees from one of the couples ! I enjoyed the practice; people were serious. A different Father came and spoke to us. He's good. His speech was a little dramatic. My teacher did the commentary, played the role as the chairlady. It went well. Everything. The choir deserves a particular mention. I really enjoyed today's service. When I got home, I listened to the service from the radio on internet. It's great. As of now, I heard the whole service again twice, and the hymns about 4 times. I know I'll ask for more of that. In particular, it has one of my favourite hymns - Like a Shepard, Grant to us O Lord and Thank you Lord. I feel privileged to be at the service and be a part of the team. Listening to the broadcast brings me back the moments I was at the service and the teaching I learnt today. I hope I will keep this up, that this will not be heat for 3 minutes only, and if possible, I would follow this for the rest of my life.

My teacher treated us with a very nice cake today. It's Malaysian. She said it's from God. She explained that when she got in, the cake was already on her desk. She didn't know whom from. So it was from God. She meant it. What lovely and adorable sense of humour she has!

Other people gave me lai sees too. Together I got 10, even one from the staff at the church mentioned earlier in this entry.

Watched a bit of tv, after I had a Korean instant noodle and fish that mum prepared for me yesterday. Then I napped. I was so tired, and I think I really looked like a panda - big black circle round my eyes! Went to CNY fair with bb last night, and didn't sleep until after 3am. I was drooling before that. Finally, I slept on the couch. It's sunny today and I think temperature went up to about 20 degrees. I just let the very warm sunshine flow on me. That was nice.

sf sent me an sms and we had a few exchanges of that. He's still in NY, returning on Wednesday.

Just met with sf outside a cake shop at the tube station. He gave me a book he just finished - Five People. He said it's very good and insisted on lending it to me to read.

I've got it. It's now in my bag.

I'll start tonight on my way home. :)

I've sent the dolphins photos available on this site to a few of my friends: little gordon, uncle leather, sam and raf, and sf. The response are all complimentary. 3 if not all 4 of those photos were taken by bb.

sf said, "The photos are fabulous. Awesome!!!! Wowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!"

I'm very happy and very proud ! :D

I've called mum. Hopefully I can have din din with her. It's been a while since we have din din together and since I see her !

PS yeah, deadline today.

I was just tidying my desk in the office and one of the yellow posted note said this:

"Revenge is a fish best eaten cold."

sf told me this some time before, but I don't know where he got is from. I quite like it and want to record it before it went astray.

Partners' meeting this year will be held tonight at 5 p.m., so I was told. I'm not entirely bothered about whether I'll be made up or not, as I don't even think I've been put forward for this year. As I said to sf, it's a matter of time for me to leave this firm, whether they are going to make me up or not.

Strangely, throughout the whole of last night, I have this hymn in my heart, ringing in my ears:

"If you pass the raging water in the sea, you will not drown. If you passed the ... you will not be harmed. If you stand in barren land all because of me. Know that I am with you through it all.

(Chorus) Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow me, and I will give you rest."

Really, the whole of last night, this morning, and even now! It's one of my favourite hymns. It reminds me I'm not alone and that I should have faith in God. We are too stupid to know the meaning of the current situation. It may dawn to us one day, it may never do.

I sent an sms to sf at lunch time, told him that partners' meeting is at 5pm and asked if he would be interested to go and get his ipod then. Yes, he said he wanted one that he can bring with him when he exercises in the gym. Still waiting for his reply.

He asked me what I want for Christmas this year. I said (in an sms last night): "You! Pls put a nice bow on it, n that has to be pink. n I won't settle for anything less :P " ha haa haaa!!

***********************************

sf called at around 2:30pm - I thought he'll call this evening and said he was in a meeting or something. We discussed the various models of ipods, and I (being mc) made enquiries with Apple Centres. It turned out the mini ipod is not made anymore, and all 4GB nano are sold out. sf wanted a 4GB so I called the shop back, left my name and phone number. They have no date as to when they would next receive nanos, but they said we were looking at Jan 2006. I left my name and number nevertheless. But sf was a little short. I feel he was just disposing a matter, and responded to my sms as a matter of courtesy. Oh well, may be he's offended by my sms last night about the bow in pink??

**********************************

My supervising partner came into my office this evening. He confirmed what I always suspected - I wasn't even put forward for this year. He said the issue was my billing. He asked me focus on that this year and I'll be put forward for next year. He said 3 were put forward for this year: 2 corporate finance and 1 from insurance litigation. They had outstanding billing and were of similar seniority to me, if not more senior. There's also political issue. He said everyone has their own people to protect and everyone wants to broaden their own base. Fair enough. I asked if my billing, although better than Richard, is the only issue. He said that's the most important issue. I told him it's not been entirely easy to work with that idiot partner and that's an understatement. May be that's because the case we are working together got so personal. I told him the opposite side is probably going after me next, in light of what the other side's partner said to me the life in Court today. I said that idiot partner has been making unfounded allegations against me e.g. he's concern about timing and quality of my work. The truth is that timing became an issue when he sat on the matter, and quality is stylistic changes he would like to make. My supervising partner however gave me an impression that if I have the requisite billing next year, he could deal with the others.

My supervising partner said he'll try to get a good salary increment for me this Thursday when the matter is discussed. He said that's another ground for putting forward for promotion.

I had work to do but I had no motivation after that chat. I'm and I'm not disappointed. To me, it's a matter of time when I'll move on, as I don't like this firm. As I said to sf before and repeated this evening, I'll move on when there's something better, even if they make me up this year.

THe above is the second time I'm typing this mail. When I was typing the previous paragraph for the first time, when I'm close to the end, the screen flicked and all gone. May be that's an indication that there's enough moan and groan.

I told sf and bb the above. Both of them were very, very supportive. I told sf that I had enough of politics and that's why I wanted to be a magistrate. That said, I've been reflecting on his words about his objection to the idea: Am I running from life?? sf said it's politics that made him made up his mind to have his own chamber. At the time, he had enough too. sf said again may be I should have stayed with my old firm. I reminded him how badly was my previous partner was behaving. I went into his office with a file in my hand one evening and he asked if I'm handing in my notice! Lucky I was. What if I wasn't? That would be unthinkable. sf said he could have brought enough pressure for me to stay until the end of the case. I said yes, but there may not be a place where I can go then.

It's easy with hindsight, but with this kind of things, not even hindsight can assist. (11:07pm)

Read bb's post re PB1. Sorry bb, that she has a lot of bills and wants new toys and I can't afford the two of us. sf has repeated today that he won't be my referee for permanent magistrate post. He's very supportive and has the highest regard for my ability. I'm not sure now. One thing he said right is that being a magistrte is very much running from reality. Do I want to be runner?? Would I regret it later, if I do?? The benefit of staying in private pratice is really a chance to earn enough so bb can stay home. May be she can write a book?? I only what her to do what she wants and enjoys doing, then I'm happy.

Personally, I feel I'm at a crossroad - confused and don't know what to do. I should pray more and have more faith in God. sf and I agreed today that God has everything planned. What seemed depressed when we lost soooo many times in that litigation we now have a miracle!

I'm a really happy person today. A few good things have happened:

1. bb's back (and she got me panda (sp) cake :) )
2. the charge against my client was dropped.
3. my best friend here told me where she's going - that's a very good city firm! (although I'll miss her ... )
4. sf called today. he said he's going to suggest to my client that I be instructed on some of the files on her other litigation! I was thrilled and flattered! That may not happen in due course, because it very much depend on my client, and she's against this firm because of the bad experience in the past - of ocurse, before I joined here lah. At the same time, I asked sf to do me a favour - to act as my referee re my character for my application as a magistrate. I'd expect him to say ok, but he said "no" ! no matter what I said, he said no. he even said if I put his name down and he's asked, he'll say I'm such a bad person that I'm unfit to be a magistrate! He said he disagree because I'm such a good litigator. I thanked him for that and said I want to get out of here asap, and there is an exit. I said I want a happy life. He said I'll be bored out of my mind. I said if that's the case, I can re-join the private practice or what not. We agreed to meet tomorrow and discuss. Question is : would we really meet?? :D

I've been thinking of bb a lot this week. much more than the last occasions when she's away. I kept looking at the clock today waiting for her plane to touch ground, and I would call her. But she called before I did - yes, she beat me again! well, nothing new. :)

Just had my dinner. seafood and spagetti in white cheese sauce. got it from Canteen downstairs. taste ok, a bit rich. As I'm soooo happy, I rewarded myself with a hot Korean juice. It costed me an extra $10. I usually just have tea that's available in the office (andI'm still here working) I'm so mean. :P

Dinner was a takeaway. I got 2 spoons for my spagetti and no fork! I used a pair of chopsticks :D

On my way back from Canteen to the office with my din din, I think of bb again. There was an urge to see her. It's already 8:40pm. I'll see her soon. :)

sf called at 7pm and we spoke. no hot chocolate, naturally. told him bbmm's itinery. he must had been envious. He kept saying we should have hired a convertible. I said we are poor. In fact, the one thing I really tried to get for our car is a CD player. They said they will try to do their best but no guarantee. What did we do? We bought a TuneCast Auto for iPod. I told sf about it and explained to him what it does. sf was impressed. He praised me for being so good at these things. Well, only if he knows bb. May be I should avoid the two of them meet! :P

For picture and other users' reviews, click here. There are pros and cons. In short, there are reception problems (signal overlap) in busy areas. Also, sound quality is in issue. The good news is that it works as a charger, which is very helpful. The metal arm is adjustable but stays put once you let go. Stands up and stays out of the way. (Also has different size rings in case your cigarette adapter is a different size.) Display is clear, and choosing and setting a frequency and/or preset is pretty easy. But, realistically scrolling through the iPod menus while driving takes more attention than one should probably devote to it. Better if you have a remote control for your iPod.

A happy thing happened today - I met mum briefly at lunch time today and we went to this LV flagship shop to shop for her handbag. My dad was lucky in the gold market and he gave $$ to mum for her buy a LV handbag. How very nice and sweet! It's not the money that counts, but it's the thoughts and gesture. :)

no, didn't have lunch with mum as I needed to rush back to office to work. I'd love to. :(

Wonder what bb is doing now. What's her time now??

It's my second day of annual leave. I took yesterday and today off. but I was in office for both days. Not only that, the plan was to take advantage of the previous Sat off, so I would have 4 days of holidays - a long weekend. That was ruin by my boss, who made me go into the office on Sat afternoon, claiming that he wanted to discuss the case with me, and that discussion took less than 10 minutes!

Called my brother today. He confirmed that his video camcorder had been repaired. When I asked him if I could borrow it, he said yes on the basis that it would be the same. The way it came out was odd, and it took me a little while to understand he was trying to say that don't break it, or he'll break my neck. Stupid and slow of me ??!

Can't believe we are off next Saturday to our trip that has been planned a few months ago - yeah! I've been thinking of what needs to be done, bought and brought today ...

Did a bit of shopping this evening. Had a shop in mind that I wanted to visit but didn't find it in the shopping mall close to where I live. Could it be that it doesn't have a branch at that mall?? But me being me, I still managed a few new items. Nothing fanciful. Just a few cotton pullovers that could go with suit or with jackets for casual wear. They are cheap - like around 3 quid each. Can't beat that, right?

sf called this afternoon. blamed me for not doing research for him. what's new??! he always blames me, for whatever. my reply? "Whatever!" :D he said let's meet tomorrow afternoon. I told him I have a telecon early afternoon and have a seminar at 6:30pm. He said we'll meet at 5:30pm, he'll call me then. I said ok. Let's see how that turns out.

I saw an ad. It's recruiting for permanent magistrate. funny enough, the ad also said if hired, it'd be for 3 years. so it's not permanent?? then my smart brother told me the structure is that initially 3 years contract. upon satisfactory performance, it'll be extended for another 3 years. And upon satisfactory performance of the extended 3 years, then, you'll become permanent.

In any event, I'm very interested in that position. I'll put in an application soon. The problem is I need to come up with the reason why I want to join the judiciary. Why? It's always been my aspiration.

These days I feel more relaxed, and generally happy. feel like up in the clouds. feel unreal. Why? A side of me is looking forward to a new chapter in a new country when I'll tact along with bb. It's a mistery to me. I heard a lot about that country, that particular town. But I've never been, and the huge uncertainty is whether I'll like it there, if I'll be able to get a job, and if so, what to do?? My working skills are portable, but not so portable. The other side of me would like to join the judiciary, if I get hired. Well, both are not real yet. I'll cross the bridge when it comes, in the meantime, I'll dream on!

sf is away with his brother. His brother needs a check up and he always goes with him. I think his brother needs one twice a year, so it's nice of sf to attend with him lah.

Had a row with him yesterday. The background was this: I was a little down and desperate the day before and yesterday, so I asked him if I should put myself forward for 2 companies: B and R. Our conversation went like this:

Re B, he went: "When how and why did they come to the reckoning?" Then I told him that I was going mad as I couldn't even discuss my queries with my boss without him taking it personally and going ballistic. I then also asked him re R.

He replied, "Mc: why B all of a sudden? I told you not to offer any view. That guy has an inferiority complex. Just agree with whatever he says until you leave."

My reply, "You are right about him No, I didn't offer any view. I didn't agree but still did it. I was stuck on a point, raised it n asked for his help. That's all."

sf's comments sometimes lost me completely.

I have a hearing fixed for 3 minutes tomorrow. It's on the opponent's application for more time to prepare their evidence. It's pretty routine thing but the dispute between the parties is hot.

Today, I prepared a 4-page long skeleton argument together with a 1-page chronology of events. I sent it to the opponent and the court at around 4pm. At 5:46pm, we got a letter from our opponent, saying that their client has been hospitalised for pneumonia! How credible can that be??! I think they should have said that person is a new case of suspected bird flu and has therefore been segregated. That would have been more credible!

Frankly, they must be scraping the barrel. Test it this way: the case will continue even if that person drops dead tomorrow. The world will continue to rotate in the way it does now.

Anyway, I have made a point in my skeleton that that person is not the only person knows about the allegations of our case. You see, the defendants are members of a family. I said in my skeleton, in fact, that person's wife should also know about the matters in issue, being a Finance Director. And yes, all disputes relate to $$$.

I'm trying to hynotise (sp) myself that that person is truly ill as I need a straight face tomorrow! And you should have seen me when I got the letter. It's so funny! I told my friends in the office and no one believes the other side. Naturally.

I sms sf too, but haven't yet heard from him. He must be busy. Well, anyway, it's his holiday, although he's abroad attending a medical check up with his brother (who needs the check up).

Sorry, their story could be true and I might be mean, but I think the chances of that is pretty dim ...

sf has come up with the following great lines lately:

1. In the land of the blind, a one-eyed man is king.

(I have however been told that it's a proverb; my ignorance!)

2. Even a broken clock tells time correctly twice a day.

I like them, although I think the first one is more apt :)

April 4 2005

It's mm's birthday! mm woke up and bb was next to her, saying happy birthday to her already. nothing is better than that.

after they had breakfast at hotel (and been to the washroom!), they set out for port stephens, headed for Nelson Bay. it's some distance from sydney. bb was driving fast, "occasionally" breaking the speed limit. they got there by about 12:30pm; not bad. booked ticket for 1:30pm trip that's going to last one and a half hour, then went to have fish and chips before they boarded the cruise. it's AUS 19 each. mm thought it's cheap, as she expected it'd be more expensive than that.

as to the fish and chips, mm had sword fish and bb had catch of the day. mm's was more expensive but bb's fish turned out to be more fresh and tasty. mm's fish didn't have the usual sword fish flavour. price was not cheap but modest. bbmm both thought their batter was good. neither of them liked fish and chips in uk. their batter was usually not crispy, oily and rather thick. the aussi did it well. it tasted light and crispy and bbmm enjoyed that.

it was windy and it rained a bit. the sea was rough at times. on the cruise there was a korean tour group plus a few others. the korean were great! they provided excellent entertainment. when there were waves and the boat was tossed up and down, they screamed and laughed, and you can tell they were really enjoying the cruise and were having a good time. it rained a bit when we were on board, although not heavy rain. two korean ladies brought a towel they probably borrowed from the hotel and were covering their heads with it! some of their actions were caught on video. just have to wait a bit to see that as bb would have to upload the photos and video clips onto here. probably for the full first half hour/45 mins bbmm were amused by the roller coaster and the korean tour, and just being together. it was not until the cruise turned back to Nelson Bay that they started to spot some dolphins. well, it's the staff who spotted them and pointed them out. Initially, we only saw them at some distance and there's no way of capturing them in photo or video. later, they saw dolphins at a closer distance but still not as close as you see them on tv and films - that in a warm sunny day they swim next to you or your boat. but we saw quite a few of them, so that's some consolation lah.

after cruise, bbmm walked around there and mm took some photos - here they are. Before they headed back to sydney, they booked hotel for their 4th evening in aussi. mm was particularly fussy and difficult with hotel and that day, but bb was nice and let her off. on their way back to sydney, they stopped by a winery. they thought it would had been closed as it was getting late - in aussi terms, as it was only around 5pm. bb said aussi closed early. when they got there, it's still open and they got lucky. the lady owner served them. she's really nice. she let them try the Reiseling, Chadonnay and Traminer. having tasted the Traminer, mm said it tasted and smelled very much like Gwutzertraminer in Alsace. the lady said yes, that's what it's meant to be, only that the aussi call it Traminer, taking only the latter half of the same word. bbmm were told that whereas the New Zealander call it Gwutzer ie taking the former part of the word. how funny! eventually, bbmm bought 2 bottles of Traminer, but the lady also gave them the Traminer they were having for their enjoyment! the shop was closing, the lady said she likes chadonney best, plus she also has Reisling. just can't finish all of them. how very nice of her. :)

so bb drove all the way back from port stephens to sydney. as said above, it's a long drive and other than the stop at the winery, bb didn't stop at all. mm got worried, but bb insisted on driving mm back to sydney. mm was so worried that at one stage, mm was mad about bb being so stubborn. then bb explained that she insisted because it's mm's birthday and she take mm "home." then mm realised how stupid she'd been and apologised. And bb has a big heart!

bb let mm chose for dinner. mm asked to have thai and left the choice of restaurant to bb. they went to this area in sydney called paddington. yes, paddington, just like in london. they walked around the area, looking for a nice thai but nothing seems appealing. whilst they were walking around, they noticed an Indian restaurant was offering lamb shank. both bbmm liked lamb, and that sounded good. initially they resisted that as they had set their heart to thai. but having looked around, they didn't see anything particularly appealing and eventually they settled for that Indian restaurant only to find that lamb shank was not available that evening - tough luck! they ordered 3 (or was it 4) dishes, 2 of them were vegetables, one of them was lamb, plus two naan. bb had a beer. they enjoyed the food, but not the service. to start with, it's more than apparent that the waiter's trousers had longed needed a wash; the table cloth was not entirely clean; after dinner when mm went to the washroom, on her way there, there was this huge rubbish bin that's unsighting and sick! couldn't remember exactly the issue about the ladies, but it wasn't exactly great experience either. when mm told bb about the rubbish bin, bb said she didn't see it when she went to the ladies after they arrived at the restaurant. yes, admittedly, they were the last table and seems that the restaurant was waiting for them to leave so that they could close for business for the day, but even so, they could not just left that bin there!

ah! there was an issue on that day that must be mentioned, as that sort of ruined bbmm's day. mm came up with the idea of taking a looking at the office of her firm's branch in sydney and similarly, ww firm's office in sydney. not that she's going to go *into* the office but rather, just to have a better picture of where the buildings were. she didnt' bring any of those addresses. so she sent sms to her secretary. it took that secretary a long time to get back to mm and before that, mm got a sms from ww questioning mm's intention of asking for his firm's address! And that's where it all started. mm was furious, very unhappy! she figured out what happened was that her secretary got her sms, then thought mm would be going into ww's office to meet with his boss (as mm's firm has been trying to get business from them) by passing ww, so she tipped off ww and didn't respond to mm's sms! mm was furious because of ww thought mm would be so indiscreet, and because her secretary had *betrayed* her like that! that girl can't be trusted! then, mm had to send sms to ww to explain the intention etc etc and then ww called to apologise etc. the whole thing was just so unnecessary. mm said she could understand from ww's point of view and in fact, he should never had been troubled. it's all her secretary's indiscretion. mm said she'll speak to her secretary when she's back. ww, who is a good friend of her secretary and obviously felt that he had to protect her as she did all that for him, asked mm not to blame her secretary etc. mm actually said to ww that she was disappointed that ww had seen mm in that light - that mm would be that indiscreet; mm had thought ww should know her well enough to know that she won't do something stupid. Anyway, that kind of spoilt mm's birthday.

but good bb won't let that happen lah. she made it up to mm later - they had nice dinner, even taking into account of the above; she took mm to a ride around the city, took her to see those buildings and took pictures with her. mm was happy again.

ah yes, during the day, mm had received sms from her friends wishing her happy birthday. But until around 8pm, mm still hasn't received good wishes from sf, so mm "reminded" him and eventually, she got her message. sf insisted that he didn't forget. mm was so thick skin lah! sf said "what thick skin? only cuteness!" ha haa haaa!

PS Another long entry started yesterday, finished at 11am, April 12, 2005 - yes, mm did it during office hour, as again she has nothing better to do!

got a call from him - what a surprise!

he sounded much better, more of his usual self, to begin with. then he accused me for being in a bad mood and was sarcastic the other day. I protested. he said I should know him etc etc. anyway, he made his point, so did I.

then he brought me up to date of what's going on on that case. in brief, both firms of lawyers are trying different ways of getting more money out from her. now they have filed their case, and nothing need to be done now. but both firms managed to come up with something which they said to her needs to be done in the meantime. everyone has their own agenda. sf said he put those to rest. the effect is that he must have saved her say $5 to 10m a month easily. good for him.

i told him at one stage, my boss here asked about moving the case across. may be for dual purpose 1) to verify the role I claimed to have played in the probate action and 2) see if they can get $$$. told sf that I said no to it, simply because I finished my work, and they don't need me anymore.

sad it is, but it's true - I'm used. time to move on.

we talked about holiday plan. actually, told him i'm going away for b'day, and he (as usual) is not going anywhere. told him we'll be going to phuket and bangkok. he said why would I want to go to a place where many had died recently. I said there's a reason. then he asked "he?" didn't know what he was talking about. he explained when people say there's a reason, it's usually connected to their other halves. smart guy! then he tried various ways to find out who's going with me eg are you going with your family? is it your mother etc. good try. I laughed, but did not answer. he gave up. he said let's meet for a coffee at starbucks next week. I said ok. the back of my mind said why did he mention "coffee"?? not "hot chocolate"?? he's changed. I let it lie.

at least we ended at a nicer note this time.

sf called today. called him back and left message. a bit of hide and seek there. he caught me after lunch.

started with general greetings - asked how I'm doing, if people here are good, if it's better here, workwise, and how did the draft case read (which is probably what he's after) etc. when I asked him, he sighed (hur?? what kind of reply is that???)

he said it's the first time that something is done without me. I said it only means that I'm fully dispensable. He said I'm in his heart. I said I wish that's true.

he said he's losing all his clients. I was nice. I said "you don't need them." ha haa! and the back of my mind thinks it's his choice. and he's not the only one who's done that. he's not God, and he should stop acting as though he is.

I seized the opportunity to tell him that I was hurt - he was real sharp and was truly untouchable. I said I appreciate he was under a lot of pressure, but can't help feeling that way. then he said I was silly. when he complained that I'd never called if he has not, trying to lighten things up, I said "no, I was not." I said I can't see from where I am and don't know when he's busy and when he's not. better play safe. he said I was silly. silly it may be, but it's safe. I have feelings and dignity too. I just don't see why I should put myself low when it's really his wife's job, and hers only! if the others can be nasty to him and be respected, I'll be that way.

we hanged up the usual way - he got another call, and he said he'll call me later.

I must have scared him off. but can't help it. I'm only human, and feelings too. Am I concerned that he would never call again? not quite, as if I have lost him, that happened soon after I left my old firm. In fact, I never have him. took me a while to realise, but it's about time I grow up - although I'm still a bit relunctant to do so. I still want to think the world is beautiful.

It still is. bb is there. : )

sometimes it's quite difficult to put a title to an entry. to me, an entry should be whatever one wants to record, and could be on anything and everything. and most of the time, for me, i cover several things in one entry, more like my diary. but i can't put the date in the title because it's already provided for. I can't say it's diary, as it's too unimaginative. sometimes, there's a little pressure there. :P

sf never returned my call or sms of the day before. eventually, I wrote an email to set out my comments on the draft case - that should stop him pointing fingers at me later. got an email from him this morning saying that case was filed yesterday and thanks for the helpful comments, and asking how am I. I replied that he must be exhausted; I've been very busy; and the weather is bad. I have had enough. I have feelings and dignity. I'm doing that for free and in my own time. I don't owe them anything. In any event, I don't deserve to be treated like that! the tone of my email should be clear to him. if he chooses to ignore, nothing I can do.

I feel unhappy, and disappointed. the naivity of me was hoping and believing that sf is different, but apparently, he's just one of them - using others, treating you nicely when they need your help, but treat you like sh*t after you are used. sigh

feel bad. sf sent the draft for me to look at. read in quickly last night and tried to catch him yesterday and today. yes, I've been lazy, I could have gone back sooner, but I've other work to do and I need a break too. the fact is that I'm not instructed on the matter, not that I want to boast about how nice and great I am, but just that I can't put everything aside and just work on that like I was in my old firm. what happened was I sent him sms and left messages and asked him to return my call. the last sms I sent was to say that it'll only take him 5 mins. then he called on my mobile and we've just spoken. the first thing he said was "you have 5 mins. yes, go on." I said "thank you" and before I was able to go on, he said, in an annoying tone, "you came back to me too late. I gave you the draft last week. your comments is probably history now." I said "in that case, I won't go through each paragraph but just on 2 points." then I said the first point. he said it's now been included. again, before I was able to go on, he interrupted and said he's working on the draft and proposed to send it to me later this evening, and that I must read it tonight and revert to him tomorrow morning. I was *so* close to tell him "don't bother." what kind of attitude is that??! I really wonder why and for what I'm doing it?? client doesn't know. he's blaming me. what's the point??! why did I stay until 10:45 pm last night to ready the bl**dy thing, when I don't even get an "E" for effort???!

If they don't want me, or my comments, fine. I didn't ask for this. they came to me for help.

I feel really, really stupid, and hurt.

Spoke to sf just now. have been thinking whether to call him, the reservation being to say what? since I'm not so busy today, so I called. The conversation went like this:

I asked how he was. He said he was fine.
He said how I'm doing and if I'm settling. I said so far so good. so long he's fine, I'm fine too.
I said I'll let him get back to work. Then he asked if I called just for that? I said yes, since I haven't heard from him for ages.
Then he explained that he was tied up with an urgent matter yesterday and today, and only came back to chambers about 15 mins ago. I said I'm happy he's working on something chargeable.
I said I'll let him go back to his work. then he spoke some rubbish which I don't even remember now. I think it's something like you busy? leaving late? etc
Then he said he'll call me back after he finished with what he has to do. I said fine.

Let me tell you, this is quite typical of our conversation - talk rubbish. he won't hang up if I suggested it but would pick up another rubbish subject or ask some rubbish question, some of which have been asked and answered in the same conversation. he would only hang up when he suggested to do so.

odd, I know. and weird, I know that too. what to do? he's sf - who bought me a mini ipod for Christmas 2004! That must have killed him, as the secretary from my old law firm (who knows him well) said he's very mean, which can be seen by the distinct feature on his face ie you can't see his nostrils when he's looking straight. but who wants to look at nostrils??! he treated me to many hot chocolates and 2 or 3 lunches, since I met him in 2001 on the NW case. no dinner yet. but he is kind and has a soft heart.

mm's sf has a new name - librarian. mm's sf gave her another book to read yesterday - The Jurors by John Grisham. He said he just finished it, and thought mm would enjoy that book. mm started a few pages yesterday.

however, there's still no trace of Demons and Devils by Dan Brown - not a word of it from sf anymore - odd, but that hasn't affected mm as she already has one from her boss :P

these days, mm's sf is very emotional. sf could be quiet, withdrawn and cross in the morning, but ok in the afternoon. sf is also easily annoyed. mm not sure what's up. may be work? sf spoke of the case for which he went to Canada last month - so it wasn't for his divorce, different from what bb had guessed earlier. but who know, it may be both!

sometimes mm thought sf had divorced already cos (1) this is what client had said (2) he never goes on holiday with them (3) sf only mentioned that he would need to move to a service apartment whilst the flat is being refurbished. same applies to sf's invisible, and almost fictional, daughter he alleged to have. may be sf put up this story to avoid or limit his numerous secret and open admirers sf allegedly has!

mm had a hot chocolate with sf yesterday. over that, mm mentioned her intended trip with bb in sept/oct to canada and us. mm's travel agent has been telling her it would not be a good time to go as that would be close to us election and there may be terrorist attacks, etc. mm's sf said election is in nov, so should be ok.

wondering what's bb's view. mm has been thinking of alternative destination, just in case. but mm's heart is still vancouver/la/san francisco/las vegas. alternatively, aussi and new zealand?